Author: Max&Mike

Episode 236 – The Princess Bride (1987)

Hello, children. Hello. Welcome to Max, Mike; Storytime. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin. Today we’re reading a fairy-tale that’s a little different. I haven’t read this “Princess Bride” myself, but I’m sure it’ll be every so much fun. Let’s see, just skim over this, make sure it’s ok for the tiny tots . . . there’s the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. Oh, isn’t that nice? And she meets a Handsome Prince who seems . . oh. Huh. Well, that’s not very nice. Oh, but she’s in love with a nice boy from her farm! That’s nice! And he . . . dies? Wait, I think I read that wrong. There’s a pirate, who’s a good guy? Oh, and an Evil Giant . . . who actually isn’t evil and someone really does die? What? “The Pit of Despair”? “The Machine”?! Ok, boys and girls, Uncle Max isn’t too sure this is such a good story for you to . . . hey, where did you get all those knives? You should be careful! Knives are only for grownups because . . . ow! Why, you little . . . ok, ok, I’ll keep reading, just untie Uncle Mike! Wait, what do you mean “he likes it”? What’s happening here?!

If any movie is quotable, it’s this one. But how does this almost forty-year old film adaptation of a novel that pretends to be an adaptation of a much older (and nonexistent) book hold up? Is it as iconic as people think? Inconceivable! And no, I don’t know what that word means!

Poll question: Who is your favorite athlete turned actor? Or do you think athletes should just stay in their lane?

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Episode 235 – The Big Lebowski (1998)

Ok, man, like, we’ve got another entry in “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” and man, I don’t know, it’s just really . . . y’know? I mean, it’s the Coen brothers, man, there’s beverages involved. You gotta pay attention; life does not start and stop at your convenience, Donnie! So give a listen and find out if there’s a rug that ties this podcast together or if we’re all just stuck in a nihilist world, man. Pour yourself a Caucasian, light up a jay . . . I mean, this is a very complicated movie. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous. And a lotta quotes. So many quotes! So join us or . . . you know, what? F*** it, Mike, let’s go bowling. Ok, we can go bowling AFTER the podcast. Fine, man. Just do me a favor: ease up on the cussin’. Come and abide with us.

Seriously, for many people this movie is a revelation, a way of life or even a fashion choice. The Dude’s iconic outfit resides now in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Museum. Don’t believe me? Behold! Photographic evidence from Mike himself.


Poll question: What’s your favorite cinematic twisty-turny whodunit?

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Episode 234 – Murder by Death (1976)

Ahhhhh, my dear detectives! So kind of you all to join us here at our little “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” soiree! We hope you’ve enjoyed the aperitifs and the sparkling conversation because . . . none of you are leaving here alive! Unless, that is, you can solve this mind-manglingly difficult puzzle we know set before you! Ahahahahaha! Yes, to solve this puzzle, you will need to solve a series of deadly challenges, each worse than the one before. In the end, these challenges will help you solve this lethal riddle: what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in . . . what? Uhhh . ..  look, you’re not just supposed to yell out the answer! How could you know?! You haven’t solved any of the deadly challenges! You’re not supposed to . . . yes, yes, you’re right, I need to sit down. Fine. Unbolt the doors, disable the spike traps, lock up the piranha-chickens. Whole evening is just ruined. Get out! Jerks.

This week we bring you a movie that Mike and I have been quoting incessantly for decades, even when begged repeatedly to stop, for the love of all the gods, knock it off. No! Not us! Check out this Neil Simon wacky comedy which lampoons murder mysteries and a number of the most famous literary detectives this side of Nero Wolfe! Does it hold up after almost half a century? And what’s going on with Peter Sellers playing . . . oh, dear . . . well, give a listen and find out.

Poll question: identify a quotable movie with one line that is NOT one of the best known quotes; no “Play it, Sam” or “I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more” or “Inconceivable!”

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Episode 233 – Mean Girls (2004)

“To be or not to be . . .”

“Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven!”

“Help! That dingo’s got my baby!”

Ah, classic quotes! We do love them, don’t we? That’s why we here at Max, Mike; Movies have started a brand-new series entitled “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” dedicated to the most quotable movies that we happen to think of at the time. You know, those movies that give us memorable lines that even people who’ve never seen the movie toss around. And we’re starting off with a movie that neither Max nor Mike has ever seen before, Tina Fey’s “Mean Girls” (the movie, not the Broadway show. We haven’t seen either). Join us as we travel back to a time when high school girls could be just awful to each other without the added tools of social media and the internet. Give a listen, see what quotes we scrounged from this, and find out if it is indeed possible to “make ‘fetch’ happen.” P.S. Extra Bumpybux if anyone can identify the origin of the series title!

Poll question: what is your favorite “high school” movie?

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Episode 232 – Moonfall (2022)

Ahem. Hello. Thank you. The Moon. What is it? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary describes the Moon as “the earth’s natural satellite that shines with the sun’s reflected light.” There are many interesting things about the moon. It is 238,000 miles from the earth. Its mass is approximately 7.34 x 1022 kilograms. And, as you all know, it is not a naturally occurring celestial body but rather an artificial megastructure created by aliens. Oh, and it is also hollow and full of extra-testicle, I mean, extra-terrestrial technology, hey, quit laughing, Billy, you know what I meant, shut up! Oh man, my report is ruined and I didn’t even get to the clips from the brilliant Rolland Emmerich documentary “Moonfall” which closes out the “Disaster Porn” series! This isn’t funny, you guys, quit it! This is super important! The aliens might decide to use the moon itself to destroy us! It’s true! My uncle showed me this website, right? Why can’t you . . . what, ma’am? The principal’s office? Right now? Aw, geez . . . .

Poll question: what is your favorite cult movie?

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Episode 231 – The Towering Inferno (1974)

In this, our penultimate “Disaster Porn” episode, we climb the very heights of the skyscraper that is Irwin Allen’s work. Yes, we work our way up the cinematographic staircases of this film, gliding up in the scenic elevators of plot, through the hideously decorated offices of cinematic wonder into the narrative sprinkler system of this work, one of the most successful films of 1974, a film that earned a veritable tower of money before all the money . . . burst into . . . an inferno . . . of profits? Sorry, the metaphor kind of got away from me a bit. This is quite the towering film (in that it is almost three hours long) and a real inferno of talent (in that you can see a number of classic Hollywood legends like Fred Astaire, William Holden, and Jennifer Jones, and watch their careers shrivel and blacken into ash in this movie). We also get to see Paul Newman and Steve McQueen battle to the death over whose eyes are bluer! Also, we can guarantee that this movie is 98% murderer-free! Yes, only one actual murderer we know of is in this movie! Give a listen to find out who, and enjoy the other, non-murdering performers.

Poll question: who was your favorite Hollywood comeback actor? Who do you really like who faded out then reappeared successfully?

George Floyd Memorial Fund:  https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/

Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/

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Episode 230 – The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

 . . . and that was “Pony Love” by Bumpy and the Bumptones here on WMMM radio! Now over to Meteorological Max for the weather!

Thanks, Mike, I’m here in Ol’ Choppy, the WMMM weather-eye copter and I gotta tell you folks down on the ground, you are in for one funky commute! What with the desalinization of the North Atlantic Current, we are seeing all kinds of kooky, zany superstorms today. Tornadoes are touching down in midtown, so maybe a good time to bring in those window box plants. Big ‘ol hailstones are falling and concussing random Japanese businessmen on the street! Whoops, fellas, maybe should have stayed a bit later at the office, huh? And, wow, through some sort of scientifically inexplicable reason, super cold air is being drawn down through a big ring of Spielberg Clouds and causing people, buildings, and flags to instantly flash-freeze, so if you’re still getting ready to leave the house, better snag that extra scarf! I’m look down over the New York Public Library and . . . is that . . . yes, it is! There’s Hollywood heartthrob Jake Gyllenhaal trying to outrun the . . . cold, I guess, along with two never-to-be-heard-from-again friends! Good luck, Jake; hope you’ve been keeping up with that cardio! This afternoon’s forecast shows catastrophic flooding and scattered wolves, so leave a little extra time for your drive home, huh? Darn it, it looks like the super-cooled air is freezing the fuel lines of Ol’ Choppy here so we’ll be spiraling in for a crash landing. Mike, be sure to tell the folks how they enter to win a WMMM “I ♥ Ol’ Choppy” t-shirt before we go to [static]

If you’re done listening to WMMM’s wacky morning DJs, give a listen to this latest Roland Emmerich-a-licious entry in our “Disaster Porn” series. Pour one out for Ol’ Choppy, won’t you?

Poll question: What is your favorite documentary?

George Floyd Memorial Fund:  https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/

Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/

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Episode 229 – The Poseidon Adventure (1972)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of mighty ship
That got hit by a massive wave and over it did flip
Gene Hackman was the preacher man
And Bognine was a cop
Just how could they escape that ship
When the bottom was the top?
The bottom was the top.
The stars, they started dying off
Which ones, we shall reveal,
So, Shelly Winters swam real far
And Linda climbed in heels.
Yes, how’d she climb in heels?
So, join “Poseidon Adventure,”
An Irwin Allen treat.
With Max and Mike and Bumpy,
Our crew is now complete.
Here on Max, Mike; Movies Isle!

(Hey, we could have an isle; you don’t know!)

Poll question: Do you like your disaster porn intimate (one vehicle/building) or gigantic/planetary?

George Floyd Memorial Fund:  https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/

Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/

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Episode 228 – The Core (2003)

It’s a rare occurrence where an event occurs that a piece of “Disaster Porn” predicted and described but just within the past week, scientists as the University of Peking released findings saying that the core of the planet Earth (you know the one) was slowing down and could possibly reverse direction. Well, here at Max, Mike; Movies, we are nothing if not relevant so we are discussing the eerily prescient 2003 cinematic prognostication “The Core,” director, nay, prophet Jon Amiel’s almost Nostradamus-like speculation on what would happen if such a thing actually happened. And now just look at us: surely,  famous landmarks are bursting into lighting-explosions, common urban birds have developed the super-avian strength needed to crash through safety glass, and Stanley Tucci is wearing a wild hairpiece . . . huh . . . uh, maybe “Nostradamus-like” is a little bit . . . much. Give a listen and see how much (if anything) this movie got right (spoiler alert: however much you think it got right? It’s less than that).

Think I’m kidding about the event actually happening? Check this out:
https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/25/world/earth-core-turning-scli-scn-intl/index.html

Poll question: who’s your favorite cinematic giant monster? Godzilla? King Kong? The Host?

George Floyd Memorial Fund:  https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/

Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/

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