Category: Series 44 – Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not

Sharks. Fascinating. Terrifying. Humanity has long been fascinated by these ancient predators that come in so many forms. They’ve even earned their own Week on National Geographic! There are Ghost Sharks that terrify, there are Mega Sharks that devour, there are 6-Headed Sharks that have trouble sharing, there are Ouija Sharks that are just confusing.  Sometimes these strange beasts merge with other horrors, forming such things as a Sharktopus, a Mummy Shark, or even a Jurassic Shark (or two). There have even been reports of sharks merging with other natural disasters, forming such things as a Sharknado (five times!). But I think it’s safe to say that the movie that launched all of the cinematic classics mentioned above (all of which are real, by the way) is also the movie that became the first Summer Blockbuster and is the perfect choice to round out our series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not”: Steven Spielberg’s second-ever cinematic release, “Jaws.” Pull up a floatation barrel, secure yourself in your shark cage and give a listen as your favorite salty old seadogs Max and Mike tell you if it’s safe to go back in the water again. Farewell and adieu, you fair Spanish ladies (and gentlemen).

Poll question: When you’re in a bad mood, what movie or what sort of movie do you like to watch, if any, to take you out of it? Write below or call our shark-spotter hotline at 617-398-7266!

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Sweet Aunt Petunia’s plaid knickers! It’s another in our series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not”! And guess what, True Believers (and False Deniers, for that matter), we’re checking out the fourth (or fifth, depending on how  you count them) iteration of Marvel’s First Family, The Fantastic Four! Roger Corman set the bar pretty high, I know, but we only hope! So enjoy as Fantasti-Max and Fantasti-Mike regale you on our Fantasti-podcast as to what is Fantasti-great in the movie and what, if anything, Fantasti-sucks! Crack open a cold Fantasti-drink, sit back in your Fantasti-chair and . . . Mike, this is the last time I let you talk me into using one of Marvel’s Fantasi-AIs to “tune things up”! I’m gonna Fanstati-smack you right in your Fantasti-face! Dammit, how do I turn off this Fantasti-filter?! Marvel you can Fantasti-kiss my Fantasti-[fantasti-redacted] you bunch of [fantasti-redacted fantasti-redacted fantasti-redacted] AAAAHHHHHHHHH! Just give a Fantasti-listen, won’t Fantasti-you?

Poll question: what summer blockbuster do you remember anticipating most when you were young? Leave a comment or call our Misty Water Colored Memories hotline at 617-398-7266.

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Look! Up on the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a frog! (A frog?!) It’s another remake of “Sooperdooperman”, this time from James “Tommy” Gunn (that’s what I call him, ‘cause we’re best friends and I totally know him in real life and I’m not just talking about a stuffed penguin that I named James “Tommy” Gunn at all I don’t know why you would even think that). Yes, we’re got another of our Interrupting Series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not” and it’s quite the buster of blocks . . . or is it? Me, I don’t think “Tommy” Gunn really needed to include an in-depth narrative dive into all the types of Kryptonite out there. I mean sure, there’s Green Kryptonite that kills, Red Kryptonite that causes random plot devices to occur, and Gold Kryptonite that permanently removes Kryptonian super-powers (don’t know how they tested that . . .) but do we really need to know about Chartreuse Kryptonite that forces Superman to mix stripes with plaids? Or Taupe Kryptonite that causes any Kryptonian to experience uncontrolled, explosive nose-hair growth? Or Indigo Kryptonite that forces Superman to become obsessed with the intrinsic impermanence of all existence? Or Mauve Kryptonite, that causes any Kryptonian to talk endlessly about the novels of Susan Sondheim? Sure, all this is canon (and I when I say “canon” I mean my personal head-canon; don’t get me started on Industrial Grey Kryptonite) but do they need to spend 90 minutes of the film discussing them? No, of course they don’t, which is why none of this comes up in the film. Are you nuts? Am I nuts? Is Mike nuts? I think the answer here is pretty obvious, Josephine, but that’s neither here nor over behind that chair. Give a listen and see what we thought about what ACTUALLY happens in the film.

Poll question: who’s your favorite Superman, in movies or TV? Who wore the cape the best?

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Moms! Dads! Are your kids bored with their plain old dinosaurs? Are they no longer excited by uninteresting Velociraptors and bland, predictable Compsognathus? Are tired of their sad, lonely faces and want another chance to buy the love and respect of your offspring? Then come on down to Max and Mike’s Jurassic World! You want dinosaurs? We got dinosaurs! We got the Amazosaurus Rex! We got the Superawesomecoolodon! We got the Extremeradatops! Come on down now for our “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not” sale! Our helpful and overly-talented sales staff, including Scarlett Johannson and Mahershala Ali will be glad to help you select from our Totally New Dinosaurs! Now with Extra References to Other Movies!! And while you’re here, why don’t you check out our selection of Gently Used Movie Plots, ‘cause we’ve got so many of those, we’re practically giving them away! So come on down! Put yourselves and your kids in carefully supervised jeopardy at our fabulous showroom, just off Highway 78A, at the “Meddling In Things Man Is Not Meant To Know” exit! Come on down! We’ve got free hotdogs and Pegomastax the clown!

Poll question: what film do you think could be expanded into a franchise? Whose adventures do you want to see more?

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Well, well, well, Mr. Bumpy. You’ve been a busy little pony, haven’t you? I do hope the restraints aren’t too uncomfortable. No doubt you came here expecting another giant monster movie . . . but sadly, the plans have been changed. A-heh heh heh . . . oh, do pardon the dry chuckle but the look on your face. . . . You tried so hard, didn’t you? Well this week’s movie is part of, shall we say, a SPECIAL series, a series designed specifically for the summer months. We’re calling it “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not.” A brief little series this shall be, covering some of the, shall we say, “hottest” movies of the Summer. Aheh heh heh. Droll, is it not? And wouldn’t you know it, we’re starting off with a follow-up to a movie that was reviewed right on this very show: “Mission: Impossible: Final Reckoning” starring that amusing little Tom Cruise fellow. The irony is palpable, is it not? This show started something . . . and now I’m going to finish it. Once. And. For. All. You know, we’re not so different, you and I . . . Now, If you’ll direct your attention to the monitor we can get . . .No! How did a walrus get in here?! Watch out for flying Necco Wafers! How did that thrice-damned pony get out of the restraints?! Guards! Seize him! What? No, don’t kill him! I need him alive! I haven’t finished gloating! I want him alive . . . wait, no, that’s stupid. If he’s alive, he can still screw things up! You know what? Just have the snipers take him out right now . . . ah, perfect, thanks so much. Hmmm . . . oddly doesn’t feel as satisfying but, oh well. Now . . . let the world tremble before our discussion of this movie! That’s what induces world-trembling, right? Insightful film criticism? I’m sure that’s right . . .

Poll question: What is your favorite tv-show-to-movie adaptation? Leave a comment or leave a voicemail on our Tom Cruise Running hotline at 617-398-7266!

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