Episode 357 – The Evil Dead (1981)

I guess we could see this coming, as we close out our “Directors in Short Pants” series with Sam Raimi’s first work, “The Evil Dead”: Mike and I have been transformed into a pair of eldritch horrors from beyond time and space. Dang it, this is REALLY inconvenient right now. As far as I can tell, I am now Yog Maxoth, the Lint Ball at the Center of the Chaos Vortex and my unspeakable co-host, through no fault of his own, has become Mykograh, the Flatulence of the Shattered Realm. Hoo boy. Not sure how this happened, but I’m willing to bet it’s Bumpy’s fault somehow. This is gonna make our podcasts more challenging; Mykograh is our sound engineer and he hasn’t figured out how to work a keyboard with his infinite number of wickedly barbed tentacles. I’m not sure how I’m going to contribute to the show anymore, as the sound of my voices (yes, I now have eleven mouths that speak in an otherworldly atonal chorus) cause anyone who hears me speak to lose all connection with sanity and reality as their soul shatters. That’s just embarrassing for everyone involved. Seriously. Well, we’re going to try to get this all sorted out but for now, give a listen and enjoy our ell’symth ia! Ia! Shum’teth l’laandal ootr’etch! And we both mean that!

Poll question: What is your favorite horror movie or if you have no favorite, what movie put you off horror movies? Leave a comment or call our terrifying Fright Line at 617-398-7266

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Episode 356 – Sanshiro Sugata (1943)

Hear Max, Mike; Movies
With “Directors in Short Pants.”
Kurosawa’s first.

Our thoughts on movies
Flow like a winding river.
Bumpy drowns in it.

  • Two haikus, attributed to Yotta Bakamono

Poll question: What is your favorite martial arts movie? Boxing counts! Comment below or call our Butt-Kicking Hotline and leave a voicemail! 617-398-7266

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Episode 355 – She’s Gotta Have It (1986)

[dramatic music] Good evening! Welcome to a special edition of Max, Mike; News in another in our continuing expose: “Directors in Short Pants.” Tonight, our subject is: “it.” Just what is “it”? How is “it” effecting our children? Is “it” currently illegal? Should “it” be legalized? How does “it” effect our economy? Is “it” in your very neighborhood? Could “it” be lurking in your home? Is “it” making promises it can’t keep? Should we be concerned about foreign versions of “it” entering out country? Our guest this evening is Mr. Spike Jones, who, in his first feature film, boldly asserts that “She” has to have “it.” Is this true? How badly does anyone need “it”? Stay tuned and we’ll try to present you with the answers. Please stay tuned. Please. Please, baby baby, please, stay tuned . . .

Poll question: Who’s your favorite female cinematic character?

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Episode 354 – El Mariachi (1992)

We are trundling along through our “Directors in Short Pants” series! This week, our contestant (contestant?!) is Robert Rodriguez; you may know him as the director of the beloved children’s movie series “Spy Kids” (who else could get Ricardo Montalban and Sylvester Stallone in the same scene?!) or you may know him as the creator of such massively violent films such as “Desperado” and “Once Upon a Time in Mexico.” But in his first outing as a director, we find that he is in fact . . . a maker of educational films! Who knew? Before I saw “El Mariachi,” I just thought of a Mariachi as a skilled guitar player and vocalist. Little did I dream that your average Mariachi is also skilled with mace-and-chain, multiple firearms, and precision acrobatics, not to mention improvised ziplining! I mean! We can learn so much from Mr. Rodriguez. Thank you, Robert, for teaching us so much and for making us laugh at love . . . again. Find out what else we learned by giving a listen!

Poll question: If there is violence in a movie, is it better for it to be bloodless and cartoony or realistic and brutal? Leave a comment or bludgeon our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 353 – Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986)

Were you born in a cross-fire hurricane? Did you or any member of your family howl at your ma in the driving rain? Have you been crowned with a spike right through your head? If so, you may be entitled to compensation. Here at the law firm of Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we can help you get the payment you deserve for your difficulties. Others may tell you that it’s all right now, some attorneys may try to convince you that it’s a gas but at Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we know better. In fact, we will school such people with a strap right across their back. We think our client series “Directors in Short Pants” speaks for itself but why not come down to the offices of Max, Mike, & Bumpy and we will give you a free consultation session. Come on down today! At Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we will make your adversaries feel like they’ve been drowned, washed up, and left for dead. Now that’s a gas, gas, gas! Give a listen today!

Poll question: what ingredient, if any, do you feel is missing from today’s movies? Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 352 – The Virgin Suicides (1999)

This week we plunge along in the mysterious wilderness that is “Directors in Short Pants” with the directorial debut of Sofia “Please Don’t Make Me Act Anymore, Dad!” Coppola. Her freshman effort was “The Virgin Suicides,” perhaps not as popular as some of her later films but one that certainly got talked about. Honestly, it’s kind of hard to come up with a funny blurb this week given this film’s content and underlying theme (spoiler alert: the title of the film is kind of a spoiler itself). While we hope you’ll give a listen to our show, we would like to mention that, regardless of our overall opinion of the movie, both Mike and I would urge you to only watch the movie if you’re in a sound place emotionally. If the darkness of the outside world is getting to you (as it is to me), this is not the sort of “pleasant escape” movie that might help. Just putting that out there. Our show, on the other hand, IS a pleasant escape . . . from quality or talent! Har har! See what I did there? Wakka wakka! Heyooo! . . . Yeah, the movie is kind of a bummer.

Poll question: Is there any subject you feel is too delicate, sensitive, or inappropriate to be portrayed in a movie? Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 351 – Bottle Rocket (1996)

Woowww, it’s another episode of “Directors in Short Pants” again, that’s wild. We’re checking out Wes Anderson’s first effort, “Bottle Rocket.” While this movie is devoid of weird prop shots, the sounds of typewriters, twee costumes, and has a profound lack of either Bill Murray or Tilda Swinton, please believe me when I tell you that this is certainly a Wes Anderson movie. We do get not one, not two, but three Wilson brothers in this. Yes, in addition to Anderson faves Luke and Owen (in their first on-screen appearances), we also get the third Wilson brother, Zeppo. No, wait, that’s wrong . . . Shemp? No, still not right . . . Andrew! That’s it, Andrew Wilson, who went on to do many other movies of some sort or other, I’m sure of it. Put on your beret, listen to some plinking harpsicord music and give a listen.

Unrelated, I still think this Saturday Night Live bit that asks the question “what if Wes Anderson made a horror film?” is pretty spot-on.

Poll question: what actor, male or female, has done something on or off screen that’s made you just say “no more!” Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 350 – Jaws (1975)

Sharks. Fascinating. Terrifying. Humanity has long been fascinated by these ancient predators that come in so many forms. They’ve even earned their own Week on National Geographic! There are Ghost Sharks that terrify, there are Mega Sharks that devour, there are 6-Headed Sharks that have trouble sharing, there are Ouija Sharks that are just confusing.  Sometimes these strange beasts merge with other horrors, forming such things as a Sharktopus, a Mummy Shark, or even a Jurassic Shark (or two). There have even been reports of sharks merging with other natural disasters, forming such things as a Sharknado (five times!). But I think it’s safe to say that the movie that launched all of the cinematic classics mentioned above (all of which are real, by the way) is also the movie that became the first Summer Blockbuster and is the perfect choice to round out our series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not”: Steven Spielberg’s second-ever cinematic release, “Jaws.” Pull up a floatation barrel, secure yourself in your shark cage and give a listen as your favorite salty old seadogs Max and Mike tell you if it’s safe to go back in the water again. Farewell and adieu, you fair Spanish ladies (and gentlemen).

Poll question: When you’re in a bad mood, what movie or what sort of movie do you like to watch, if any, to take you out of it? Write below or call our shark-spotter hotline at 617-398-7266!

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Episode 349 – Shadows (1959)

Flickering dizzying hypnotic light.
The director reaches out to snare your eyes, your mind, your heart.
First time. The director despoils the virgin film with his demands.
Light and shadows dance.
Up is down. Right is wrong.
Whatever the director says is truth for those few minutes in a dark theater.
Gum clings to your shoe.
The film clings to your soul.
Shadows. John Cassavetes. Meaning. Meaningless. There is nothing.
There is only the film.

              — “Movies Am Good” by Max Kerowacky

Poll question: Is there a director that you really just can’t stand, whose name you see and just go “nope”?

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