Ah, the fascinating geological phenomenon known as the “Atlantic Rim”! Studied by . . . NO ONE, OK? There IS no Atlantic Rim! Well, there is, but it’s not a fascinating planetary crustal system, roughly overlapping the Atlantic Rim of Fire . . . because THAT doesn’t exist either! What DOES exist is this rushed-out knock-off of last week’s blockbuster “Pacific Rim.” This is our first (but probably not our last) series entry for “… But An Incredible Simulation” that was brought forth by the production company known as The Asylum and clearly there were in no way at all trying to piggyback on the relative success of “Pacific Rim” with a similar title, even if that title made no sense (I’m sure they realized that and that’s why they changed the title to “From the Sea” and it had nothing to do with any cease-and-desist letters from any other studio). While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, does this particular imitation flatter . . . or shame? Are we talking Ho-hos and Drake’s Cakes? Or Ho-hos and crowbar upside the head? Give a listen and find out!
Poll question: what actor’s appearance in what movie just made you go “oh, god, why?!” What’s your most tragic “I needed the paycheck” film appearance?
Heckfire and dog my cats! We got us a brand, spanking new series (a spanking! A spanking!) (Calm down, Mike). Y’ever notice how sometimes a big blockbuster movie comes out? Nah, me neither. Kidding, kidding, of course you have; but have you also noticed that when such a movie comes out, right on its heels comes another movie (or movies) that are, shall we say, suspiciously similar in style, genre, and sometimes outright content? Ever notice that such movies come out with suspicious speed compared the release of the blockbuster? Well, you’re not alone! You have us! You’ll always have us! We’re with you forever and ever and ever and ever . . .
Ahem. Where were we . . . ah, yes, our new series! We’re calling this one “… But An Incredible Simulation” and we’ll be watching several pairs of movies; the first will be the actual blockbuster, followed by the . . . tribute? Homage? Shameless rip-off? You decide; we’ll help! We’re starting off with a bang. Actually, several bangs, a lot of booms, and a whole bunch of “BLAAARRGGHHHHHAAAAA!” (that’s exactly how it looks in the subtitles) in 2013’s “Pacific Rim.” We’ve got giant monsters! Giant robots! Giant Idris Elba’s! Ok, he’s regular sized but he’s a giant on screen! And a regular sized Ron Perlman! How can we go wrong?! How indeed . . .
Poll question: what is your favorite giant monster movie? Not just the monster, but the specific movie.
This week’s episode is indeed very special: it marks the fifth anniversary of my waking up with a throbbing head and a copy of a binding “We Are Doing A Podcast” stapled to my shirt that I had apparently signed as “Maxxx Overdrive.” Mike has assured me many times over the last five years that this is legally binding and sadly I don’t know of any kind of professional whose job it is to interpret contracts or the law. Someone should come up with something like that . . .
But of course, I have no regrets (well, not about this podcast . . . we won’t talk about my unfortunate tattoo) and neither does Mike, during his few lucid moments. Yes, we started this journey on July 5th, 2018 and Mike tells me that was five years ago and I must believe him because math is hard (both at the beach and other locations). We had all sorts of genuinely terrifying ideas for this week’s show but we decided to spare you all the Lovecraftian horror we had dreamed up and instead decided to modify a suggestion from one of our particularly well-manicured listeners, Dan Schaeffer, and discuss the fifth highest-grossing movie of 2018, our inception year (minus the weird spinning top thingy). And what cinematic classic hit the number five spot that year? Why it was “Deadpool 2,” the highly successful sequel to the first R-rated superhero movie “Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS.” No, wait, it was “Deadpool,” wasn’t it. Yes. That makes more sense. So join us for this romp, five years in the making! And join us for the next five years! And the five years after that! You will never escape us! We are bonded to your soul! Do not fear us! Be one with Max, Mike; Movies. Ia! Ia! MaxMikeMovies fthagn! See, Mike? I told you I’d work in some Lovecraftian horror, but you called me mad! Mad! So who’s mad now??!
Dang. It’s me, isn’t it. Well, this is awkward . . . Oh well, give a listen anyway.
Poll question: what is your favorite film franchise?
There have been many great, even legendary pairings in history: Gilbert and Sullivan. Lunt and Fontaine. Pork and beans. And of course, Martin and Lewis. Yes, before Dino was swinging with the Rat Pack or fighting bad guys as Matt Helm, before Jerry knew what a telethon was or that the French thought he was a genius, these two were a box office powerhouse team, churning out a thunderous number of movies over eight years and raking in loads of cash. And yet, neither Mike nor I have ever experienced the apparent magic that these two generated, so it only makes sense for this, the final episode of “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2,” we choose both a movie and a movie team that neither of us have seen before. Is Dean Martin correct when he tells us that everybody loves somebody sometime? Can we grasp the enigmatic brilliance behind such Lewisian Zen koans as “la la la, nice lady”? Join us, give a listen, and see if Mike and I think these two still deserve their place in the cinematic pantheon. Freunleven, everyone. Freunleven.
Poll question: who is your favorite comedy team, duo or more?
Here we are at the penultimate entry in our “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” series and I’m really excited about this week’s entry. I had no idea there was a forty-year-old film about my favorite member of Marvel’s Fantastic Four, the ever-lovin’, blue-eyed . . . hah? Really? So, what’s this movie actually about? Oh. Oh geez. This is a SCARY movie? Mike, you didn’t say anything us watching a scary movie! Why are you smiling in that weird way? No, I don’t want to take a “nice nap” next to that big seed pod. I didn’t miss any field trip, what are you talking about?! Why do you have that big book “To Serve Max”? I mean, that sounds nice but . . . oh no . . . so many tentacles . . . um, so, dear listeners, join us for this John Carpenter classic and by the way, just as a small point of interest HELP! HELP! HEL . . . . [disturbing squelching noises]
Poll question: what is your favorite horror film and why?
I’m sure you’ve all been able to tell that this series “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” has clearly taken its toll on Mike. He’s just so stressed out by these movies, and I think we all know that he needs to just chill. You know, take a really big chill pill and just chill out bigly, yes he needs a Big . . . ok, yeah, this isn’t working, it feels really forced, sorry! Sometimes this just happens. Not often, I swear! And it doesn’t make me less of a man! Anyway, this week we’re looking at “The Big Chill”. Not just looking, either! We’re listening with our ears! Because there’s lots of dialogue and a really cool soundtrack to listen to! And Mike has never looked at or listened to this film before, so there’s that. So, work on your favorite rationalization, turn off that rerun of “J.T. Lancer” and join us!
Poll question: What movie do you think is a defining movie for your generation? What movie just says “yup, that’s my generation’s movie.”
It’s my turn to confess my ignorance in this week’s episode of “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2”: I have never seen the beloved classic of youth “The Goonies.” Nope. Just never got around to it. And now that I’ve seen it . . . much like “American Pie,” I’m a bit disappointed as to the subject matter. I thought I was in for a rollicking good time following the misadventures of a group of Laysan albatrosses (look it up if you can’t guess) or maybe a charming interpretation of a song from my childhood, “Little Bunny Froufrou” (who does, in fact, become a Goon at the end of the song, sorry for the spoiler). But alas, no! I get a bunch of incredibly annoying pre-adolescent boys (in other words, pre-adolescent boys. Hey, Mike and I were those things; we know whereof we speak), some of whom grew up to be adorable Hobbits named Sam or galactic tyrants named Thanos or, tragically, Corey Feldman. The folks behind the camera are worth noting as well, so join us while we note them! And other things! So much noting, you won’t believe it! Goonies never say . . . line?
Poll question: what is a movie you loved as a child that you just can’t watch it as an adult?
Ah, George Lucas. He’s certainly given us a lot. Memories. Iconic images. Deep, bleeding psychic wounds. He’s directed and written some of the most influential movies of our time. He gave us the original “Star Wars.” He introduced us to Indiana Jones. He showed us the dystopia of “THX-1138.” And he scarred us indelibly by bringing us “Howard the Duck” (yes, he was only the executive producer there, but that’s enough for me to blame him). And through it all, our own Mike has been there with him, seeing every movie the man has directed . . . or HAS he? No! Because due to our series “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” and my matchless investigative skills, it has been determined that Mike has never seen that George Lucas early classic, 1973’s “American Graffiti,” Lucas’ second feature film. [I will try to recreate the brilliant deductive methods by which I determined this phenomenon as follows. Me: “Hey, Mike, you ever see ‘American Graffiti’?” Mike: “No.” Me: “AHA!” For those of you who had trouble following all that, I will be publishing a 473-page report on it, downloadable for modest fee, payable in BumpyBux]
Anyway, we’re here in the ‘20’s, talking about a film from the 70’s that is deeply nostalgic for the 50’s. I’m still concerned this will cause some sort of temporal rift; to find out, give a listen and here us chatter about Opie Cunningham, Wolfman Jack, Shirley, and Richard Dreyfuss, all in the same movie! Solid, Jackson!
Poll question: what’s your favorite concert movie, music or comedy?
Hear, o noble-formerly-known-as-Prince, of the tale of Flingdor and his travels through the dark lands of Genectigazoink with his noble companion Skinamarinkadinkydink and his magic plorfdamper as they seek the mystic Dingus-Thingy that only the Choosened One can find to defeat the evil Blorfhamper and his dread army of tap-dancing Death Clams!
Ok, yes, the 80’s brought us more than a few . . . questionable fantasy movies (I’m looking at you, “Deathstalker” series) but it also brought some surprisingly enduring ones, including one that Mike has chosen for this “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” series. Yes, I confess, my youth has been missing a pretty serious fragment in that I, Max, had never seen “The Neverending Story” . . . until now. Is it an enduring movie? Check Season 3 of “Stranger Things” if you don’t think so (you know the episode I mean). So, what did I think? Did I enjoy it? I hope you know, because I can’t remember. Good thing we recorded it. Does Mike think it holds up? Does the scene in the Swamps of Sadness still wring hearts? Hop aboard your Racing Snail and give a listen!
Poll question: what movie that you saw as a child still makes you feel the same way as an adult?
Howdy, howdy, howdy! Yipee kay yo kay yay! Yeeee-haw! Other Western expressions! Why? Because this week’s entry in our “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” series is, you guessed it, a Western. Sort of. Kind of. It’s complicated. But however you shellack your Stetson (that’s a phrase, isn’t it?), this one’s a classic, the first pairing of Robert Redford and Paul Newman, in a movie penned by William Goldman, the man who brought us “The Princess Bride”. And would you believe it? Mike’s never seen it! So I’ve undertaken to correct this shocking shock of shockness and now he’s watched it! Hooray for me! Buffalo stew and cactus fricassee for everyone! But how did Mike like it? Come to think of it, how did I like it? It’s been forever and a day since I’ve seen it . . . oh lord, how DID I like it? I don’t know! Up is down! Black is white! Papier mâché is Crème Brulé! How can we know what’s true? Actually, that’s pretty easy! Give a listen to this week’s episode and we can all learn and laugh and love together . . . again! Yee haw . . .? Podner?
Poll question: assuming you like Westerns at all, do you have a preference for the old, classic, John Wayne-y Westerns like “Fort Apache” or “The Magnificent Seven” or do you prefer the more recent, grittier Westerns, like “Unforgiven” or “Young Guns” or even “Dances with Wolves”?