Episode 36: The Ninth Gate (1999)

And we’re back, with another in our series of “Guilty Pleasures,” movies that we know we shouldn’t enjoy but dang it, we just can’t help ourselves.  This week is Mike’s choice and this one is less a guilty pleasure because of its quality but rather because of . . . well, who’s involved in it.  “The Ninth Gate” is an intriguing possibly-paranormal thriller involving rare books, ancient codes, and a Satanic cult.  Where’s the guilt? Well, it stars Johnny Depp, who as we’ve seen in recent years is not one of humanity’s best and its directed by the brilliant director, if absolutely lousy human being, {shudder} Roman Polanski.  In this episode, we hearken back to the beginning and our difficulties with movies that are created in part by some wretched example of our species and whether we should even watch such things. Is this movie worth the discomfort it provokes? Give a little listen.

Episode 35: Strange Magic (2015)

Once again, we take a dive into the deepest darkest depths of darkness and depth . . . of midnight . . . of the soul.  Yes, that’s where I was going with this.  Welcome back to our series “Guilty Pleasures,” where each week one of us chooses a movie that we enjoy, even though there is absolutely no good reason that we do.  Really, no good reason at all.  Seriously.  We can offer no excuses.  These are movies that we get a kick out of even though it makes each of us a Mr. Wrongy Von Wrongerson of the House of Wrong.  This week’s particular bit of wrongosity is the 2015 animated musical feature by . . .  wait, that can’t be right.  George Lucas? Seriously? George Lucas woke up one morning and thought to himself “Y’know, I gave the world Jedis and robots and fish-headed aliens.  You know what the logical follow-up to that is? Yes! Animated fairies and goblins dancing and singing pop songs.  Everyone will love it, just like they loved Jar-Jar! I’m a super-smarty creative genius!”  The only thing dopier than the movie itself is the fact that I actually think it’s fun.  Clearly I need professional help. Give a listen and maybe you can suggest a nice anti-psychotic I could take.

Episode 34: Van Helsing (2004)

Greetings, Children of the Night! This episode kicks off our new series “Guilty Pleasures”, where each of us takes turns choosing a movie to discuss, and not just any movie! No, these are movies we really like even though we know, deep down, that we just shouldn’t.  Some of the movies are bad, some are just dopey, and some are . . . problematic.  This week’s entry isn’t problematic (unless you look at the dialogue, the plot, or the acting): it’s the 2004 Hugh Jackman supernatural action debacle “Van Helsing,” where Mr. Jackman plays Gabriel Van Helsing, a professional monster hunter who works for . . . the Vatican? Sort of? Oh, and the Vatican is some sort of cross between MI6 and Hellboy’s BPRD.  And who do they send him after? Dracula! Frankenstein’s monster! The Wolfman! Mr. Hyde! . . . Wait, was Mr. Hyde a Universal Movie Monster? Where’s the Creature from the Black Lagoon? And what about Scarecrow’s brain?! Give a listen and find out what most of that means.