Author: Max&Mike

Episode 359 – Blacula (1972)

What is happening, all you (checks notes) jiving turkeys? We are (checks notes) keeping on truck-in with our groovy series “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm” with this week’s (checks notes) funkley entry “Blacula.” Let us give you (checks notes) the skinny on this (checks notes) slamming, whoops, I mean, slammin’ flick, while we head out in our (checks notes) shaggin’ wagon and hit the road in search of our next jive-talking (hah, didn’t need my notes for that one) movie. Hey, Mike, don’t (checks notes) bogart all that Bumpypux cereal! Yes, as you can see I have extensively researched the classic slang of the 70’s and can now seamlessly work it into conversation. “But Max,” you might say, “didn’t you live through the 70’s? Wouldn’t you already know all the cool slang?” Well, elegantly coifed but naïve listener, I did indeed live through the 70’s but at no point could I be considered cool. Golly! But don’t let that detract from our discussion of “Blacula”, one of the best-known of the Blaxploitation movies of the 70’s . . . or is it? We’ll try to let you know, and we (checks notes) ain’t just woofin’! Wait, was that a real phrase? It was? Seriously? Huh . . .

Poll question: Who do you think is the worst cinematic vampire? Leave a comment or call our Emergency Blood Donation hotline at at 617-398-7266

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Episode 358 – Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

Good eeeeeeeevening! Welcome to our latest series: “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm”, a series devoted to das Vampir, no, dammit, the Vampyre, no, that can’t be right . . . VAMPIRES. Got it? That’s the spelling and that’s what we’re calling them. Vampires appear in many, many cultures in many different forms and in NONE of the cultures that matter do they sparkle. Let’s make that clear right now, ok? No sparkling from anything even vaguely resembling one of the nosferatu. Sure, most vampire movies deal with the Big D (no, not Dunkin. Why would you even think that?) but there are quite a few movies where no one mentions Captain Opera Cloak, or if they do, it’s in an . . . unusual manner. We’re focusing on the more off-beat, maybe slightly non-standard vampire movies and we’re starting off with an entry from that well-known horror film director . . . Jim Jarmusch? Hah? Ok, that’s different. “Only Lovers Left Alive” is indeed a vampire movie, despite the fact that the “V” word is never used once. Check out Tilda Swinton as she once again shows she can do anything, and Tom Hiddleston who . . . made me ask myself some deeply personal, searching questions . . . cut that out, you damn sexy Limey! Give a listen and see what’s got us all leather pants, I mean, interested!

Poll question: who’s the coolest vampire? Dracula? (and which one?) Lestat? Celine from “Underworld”? Vampire Bill? Comment or call hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 357 – The Evil Dead (1981)

I guess we could see this coming, as we close out our “Directors in Short Pants” series with Sam Raimi’s first work, “The Evil Dead”: Mike and I have been transformed into a pair of eldritch horrors from beyond time and space. Dang it, this is REALLY inconvenient right now. As far as I can tell, I am now Yog Maxoth, the Lint Ball at the Center of the Chaos Vortex and my unspeakable co-host, through no fault of his own, has become Mykograh, the Flatulence of the Shattered Realm. Hoo boy. Not sure how this happened, but I’m willing to bet it’s Bumpy’s fault somehow. This is gonna make our podcasts more challenging; Mykograh is our sound engineer and he hasn’t figured out how to work a keyboard with his infinite number of wickedly barbed tentacles. I’m not sure how I’m going to contribute to the show anymore, as the sound of my voices (yes, I now have eleven mouths that speak in an otherworldly atonal chorus) cause anyone who hears me speak to lose all connection with sanity and reality as their soul shatters. That’s just embarrassing for everyone involved. Seriously. Well, we’re going to try to get this all sorted out but for now, give a listen and enjoy our ell’symth ia! Ia! Shum’teth l’laandal ootr’etch! And we both mean that!

Poll question: What is your favorite horror movie or if you have no favorite, what movie put you off horror movies? Leave a comment or call our terrifying Fright Line at 617-398-7266

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Episode 356 – Sanshiro Sugata (1943)

Hear Max, Mike; Movies
With “Directors in Short Pants.”
Kurosawa’s first.

Our thoughts on movies
Flow like a winding river.
Bumpy drowns in it.

  • Two haikus, attributed to Yotta Bakamono

Poll question: What is your favorite martial arts movie? Boxing counts! Comment below or call our Butt-Kicking Hotline and leave a voicemail! 617-398-7266

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Episode 355 – She’s Gotta Have It (1986)

[dramatic music] Good evening! Welcome to a special edition of Max, Mike; News in another in our continuing expose: “Directors in Short Pants.” Tonight, our subject is: “it.” Just what is “it”? How is “it” effecting our children? Is “it” currently illegal? Should “it” be legalized? How does “it” effect our economy? Is “it” in your very neighborhood? Could “it” be lurking in your home? Is “it” making promises it can’t keep? Should we be concerned about foreign versions of “it” entering out country? Our guest this evening is Mr. Spike Jones, who, in his first feature film, boldly asserts that “She” has to have “it.” Is this true? How badly does anyone need “it”? Stay tuned and we’ll try to present you with the answers. Please stay tuned. Please. Please, baby baby, please, stay tuned . . .

Poll question: Who’s your favorite female cinematic character?

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Episode 354 – El Mariachi (1992)

We are trundling along through our “Directors in Short Pants” series! This week, our contestant (contestant?!) is Robert Rodriguez; you may know him as the director of the beloved children’s movie series “Spy Kids” (who else could get Ricardo Montalban and Sylvester Stallone in the same scene?!) or you may know him as the creator of such massively violent films such as “Desperado” and “Once Upon a Time in Mexico.” But in his first outing as a director, we find that he is in fact . . . a maker of educational films! Who knew? Before I saw “El Mariachi,” I just thought of a Mariachi as a skilled guitar player and vocalist. Little did I dream that your average Mariachi is also skilled with mace-and-chain, multiple firearms, and precision acrobatics, not to mention improvised ziplining! I mean! We can learn so much from Mr. Rodriguez. Thank you, Robert, for teaching us so much and for making us laugh at love . . . again. Find out what else we learned by giving a listen!

Poll question: If there is violence in a movie, is it better for it to be bloodless and cartoony or realistic and brutal? Leave a comment or bludgeon our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 353 – Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986)

Were you born in a cross-fire hurricane? Did you or any member of your family howl at your ma in the driving rain? Have you been crowned with a spike right through your head? If so, you may be entitled to compensation. Here at the law firm of Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we can help you get the payment you deserve for your difficulties. Others may tell you that it’s all right now, some attorneys may try to convince you that it’s a gas but at Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we know better. In fact, we will school such people with a strap right across their back. We think our client series “Directors in Short Pants” speaks for itself but why not come down to the offices of Max, Mike, & Bumpy and we will give you a free consultation session. Come on down today! At Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we will make your adversaries feel like they’ve been drowned, washed up, and left for dead. Now that’s a gas, gas, gas! Give a listen today!

Poll question: what ingredient, if any, do you feel is missing from today’s movies? Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 352 – The Virgin Suicides (1999)

This week we plunge along in the mysterious wilderness that is “Directors in Short Pants” with the directorial debut of Sofia “Please Don’t Make Me Act Anymore, Dad!” Coppola. Her freshman effort was “The Virgin Suicides,” perhaps not as popular as some of her later films but one that certainly got talked about. Honestly, it’s kind of hard to come up with a funny blurb this week given this film’s content and underlying theme (spoiler alert: the title of the film is kind of a spoiler itself). While we hope you’ll give a listen to our show, we would like to mention that, regardless of our overall opinion of the movie, both Mike and I would urge you to only watch the movie if you’re in a sound place emotionally. If the darkness of the outside world is getting to you (as it is to me), this is not the sort of “pleasant escape” movie that might help. Just putting that out there. Our show, on the other hand, IS a pleasant escape . . . from quality or talent! Har har! See what I did there? Wakka wakka! Heyooo! . . . Yeah, the movie is kind of a bummer.

Poll question: Is there any subject you feel is too delicate, sensitive, or inappropriate to be portrayed in a movie? Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 351 – Bottle Rocket (1996)

Woowww, it’s another episode of “Directors in Short Pants” again, that’s wild. We’re checking out Wes Anderson’s first effort, “Bottle Rocket.” While this movie is devoid of weird prop shots, the sounds of typewriters, twee costumes, and has a profound lack of either Bill Murray or Tilda Swinton, please believe me when I tell you that this is certainly a Wes Anderson movie. We do get not one, not two, but three Wilson brothers in this. Yes, in addition to Anderson faves Luke and Owen (in their first on-screen appearances), we also get the third Wilson brother, Zeppo. No, wait, that’s wrong . . . Shemp? No, still not right . . . Andrew! That’s it, Andrew Wilson, who went on to do many other movies of some sort or other, I’m sure of it. Put on your beret, listen to some plinking harpsicord music and give a listen.

Unrelated, I still think this Saturday Night Live bit that asks the question “what if Wes Anderson made a horror film?” is pretty spot-on.

Poll question: what actor, male or female, has done something on or off screen that’s made you just say “no more!” Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 350 – Jaws (1975)

Sharks. Fascinating. Terrifying. Humanity has long been fascinated by these ancient predators that come in so many forms. They’ve even earned their own Week on National Geographic! There are Ghost Sharks that terrify, there are Mega Sharks that devour, there are 6-Headed Sharks that have trouble sharing, there are Ouija Sharks that are just confusing.  Sometimes these strange beasts merge with other horrors, forming such things as a Sharktopus, a Mummy Shark, or even a Jurassic Shark (or two). There have even been reports of sharks merging with other natural disasters, forming such things as a Sharknado (five times!). But I think it’s safe to say that the movie that launched all of the cinematic classics mentioned above (all of which are real, by the way) is also the movie that became the first Summer Blockbuster and is the perfect choice to round out our series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not”: Steven Spielberg’s second-ever cinematic release, “Jaws.” Pull up a floatation barrel, secure yourself in your shark cage and give a listen as your favorite salty old seadogs Max and Mike tell you if it’s safe to go back in the water again. Farewell and adieu, you fair Spanish ladies (and gentlemen).

Poll question: When you’re in a bad mood, what movie or what sort of movie do you like to watch, if any, to take you out of it? Write below or call our shark-spotter hotline at 617-398-7266!

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