Author: Max&Mike

Episode 352 – The Virgin Suicides (1999)

This week we plunge along in the mysterious wilderness that is “Directors in Short Pants” with the directorial debut of Sofia “Please Don’t Make Me Act Anymore, Dad!” Coppola. Her freshman effort was “The Virgin Suicides,” perhaps not as popular as some of her later films but one that certainly got talked about. Honestly, it’s kind of hard to come up with a funny blurb this week given this film’s content and underlying theme (spoiler alert: the title of the film is kind of a spoiler itself). While we hope you’ll give a listen to our show, we would like to mention that, regardless of our overall opinion of the movie, both Mike and I would urge you to only watch the movie if you’re in a sound place emotionally. If the darkness of the outside world is getting to you (as it is to me), this is not the sort of “pleasant escape” movie that might help. Just putting that out there. Our show, on the other hand, IS a pleasant escape . . . from quality or talent! Har har! See what I did there? Wakka wakka! Heyooo! . . . Yeah, the movie is kind of a bummer.

Poll question: Is there any subject you feel is too delicate, sensitive, or inappropriate to be portrayed in a movie? Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 351 – Bottle Rocket (1996)

Woowww, it’s another episode of “Directors in Short Pants” again, that’s wild. We’re checking out Wes Anderson’s first effort, “Bottle Rocket.” While this movie is devoid of weird prop shots, the sounds of typewriters, twee costumes, and has a profound lack of either Bill Murray or Tilda Swinton, please believe me when I tell you that this is certainly a Wes Anderson movie. We do get not one, not two, but three Wilson brothers in this. Yes, in addition to Anderson faves Luke and Owen (in their first on-screen appearances), we also get the third Wilson brother, Zeppo. No, wait, that’s wrong . . . Shemp? No, still not right . . . Andrew! That’s it, Andrew Wilson, who went on to do many other movies of some sort or other, I’m sure of it. Put on your beret, listen to some plinking harpsicord music and give a listen.

Unrelated, I still think this Saturday Night Live bit that asks the question “what if Wes Anderson made a horror film?” is pretty spot-on.

Poll question: what actor, male or female, has done something on or off screen that’s made you just say “no more!” Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 350 – Jaws (1975)

Sharks. Fascinating. Terrifying. Humanity has long been fascinated by these ancient predators that come in so many forms. They’ve even earned their own Week on National Geographic! There are Ghost Sharks that terrify, there are Mega Sharks that devour, there are 6-Headed Sharks that have trouble sharing, there are Ouija Sharks that are just confusing.  Sometimes these strange beasts merge with other horrors, forming such things as a Sharktopus, a Mummy Shark, or even a Jurassic Shark (or two). There have even been reports of sharks merging with other natural disasters, forming such things as a Sharknado (five times!). But I think it’s safe to say that the movie that launched all of the cinematic classics mentioned above (all of which are real, by the way) is also the movie that became the first Summer Blockbuster and is the perfect choice to round out our series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not”: Steven Spielberg’s second-ever cinematic release, “Jaws.” Pull up a floatation barrel, secure yourself in your shark cage and give a listen as your favorite salty old seadogs Max and Mike tell you if it’s safe to go back in the water again. Farewell and adieu, you fair Spanish ladies (and gentlemen).

Poll question: When you’re in a bad mood, what movie or what sort of movie do you like to watch, if any, to take you out of it? Write below or call our shark-spotter hotline at 617-398-7266!

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Episode 349 – Shadows (1959)

Flickering dizzying hypnotic light.
The director reaches out to snare your eyes, your mind, your heart.
First time. The director despoils the virgin film with his demands.
Light and shadows dance.
Up is down. Right is wrong.
Whatever the director says is truth for those few minutes in a dark theater.
Gum clings to your shoe.
The film clings to your soul.
Shadows. John Cassavetes. Meaning. Meaningless. There is nothing.
There is only the film.

              — “Movies Am Good” by Max Kerowacky

Poll question: Is there a director that you really just can’t stand, whose name you see and just go “nope”?

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Episode 348 – The Witch (2015)

We’re plunging ahead with our series “Directors in Short Pants” with Robert Eggers’ first egg-fort (I’m sorry; I’ll leave quietly) “The Witch.” What’s that? You’ve never seen this movie? Well, you must be A WITCH! A WITCH! BURN THEM! BURRRRNNN THEEMMMMMM! *ahem* Anyway, you can clearly see the themes and tropes that Eggers uses throughout his just-starting-out career. You can’t seem them? Only a WITCH WOULDN’T SEE THEM! A WITCH! THEY MUST BE BUUUURRRRRNED! Um, so right, I don’t know about you but this movie had no effect on me whatsoever and anyone it did effect could only BE A WITCH! WITCH! WITCH! WITCHES EVERYWHERE! MY MAIL CARRIER IS A WITCH! THAT POODLE! WITCH!! THAT FRYING PAN! IT’S A WITCH! BURN THEM! BURN EVERYONE! BURN ME! ONLY ANOTHER WITCH WOULD SEE WITCHES EVERYWHERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Give a listen, won’t you? Don’t make me accuse you of witchcraft! ‘cause I’ll do it! You know I will!

Poll question: who is your favorite witch of movie or TV fame? Comment or call our “Witch Accusation Hotline” at 617-398-7266

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Episode 347 – Slacker (1990)

Yeah, hi, so, y’know, I guess we’re doing a new series, or whatever. Something about famous directors, right, and their first-ever full-length movies and stuff. Or whatever. “Directors in Short Pants” or something, I dunno, none of it really matters. Everything’s set against us, right? It’s all big plots by alien Freemasons and junk, right? So what’s the point of anything? So, we’re starting, I guess, with this guy Richard Linklatter (like that’s a real name, right?) and he did a movie in 1990 called “Slacker,” right, so I guess, ooo, he’s SUCH  a big deal and we should just all fall on our knees and worship him and whatever, right? Just because he, you know, DID a thing. So capitalistic. He’s just another guy working for the Man, ok? At least here, Mike and I aren’t being hypocrites, right? I mean, we’ve got podcast, right, so OBVIOUSLY we’re making the world better by talking about movies and stuff, ok? How? Oh, you wanna know how talking about movies makes the world better? Oh man, if you really wanna know, here, you’re gonna need this flowchart I sketched on a Denny’s napkin . . . so, it really starts with the Hollow Earth Theory, ok? And there are like these lizard people who started the Rosicrucians and . . . hey, where you going? C’mon! I got more napkins . . . can I at least bum a smoke?

Poll question: What movie have you seen the most times IN A THEATER? Streaming, home video doesn’t count?

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Episode 346 – Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025)

Sweet Aunt Petunia’s plaid knickers! It’s another in our series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not”! And guess what, True Believers (and False Deniers, for that matter), we’re checking out the fourth (or fifth, depending on how  you count them) iteration of Marvel’s First Family, The Fantastic Four! Roger Corman set the bar pretty high, I know, but we only hope! So enjoy as Fantasti-Max and Fantasti-Mike regale you on our Fantasti-podcast as to what is Fantasti-great in the movie and what, if anything, Fantasti-sucks! Crack open a cold Fantasti-drink, sit back in your Fantasti-chair and . . . Mike, this is the last time I let you talk me into using one of Marvel’s Fantasi-AIs to “tune things up”! I’m gonna Fanstati-smack you right in your Fantasti-face! Dammit, how do I turn off this Fantasti-filter?! Marvel you can Fantasti-kiss my Fantasti-[fantasti-redacted] you bunch of [fantasti-redacted fantasti-redacted fantasti-redacted] AAAAHHHHHHHHH! Just give a Fantasti-listen, won’t Fantasti-you?

Poll question: what summer blockbuster do you remember anticipating most when you were young? Leave a comment or call our Misty Water Colored Memories hotline at 617-398-7266.

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Episode 345 – Tremors (1990)

We have finally come to the end of our “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” series with 1990’s “Tremors,” the terrifying story of what life would be like with giant underground monsters boring through the earth below us and *rumble* OH GOD NO! IT’S A GRABOID! IT HAS TO BE! WE’RE ALL DOOMED! IF ONLY . . . oh, hang on, that was the icemaker switching on. Hoo. That was close. So, we’re coming to the close of *rumble* OH GOD WHAT’S THAT HORRIBLE SHAKING NOISE?! WE’RE GOING TO BE DEVOURED FOR SURE! HOW COULD . . . oh, ok, wow, I gotta get that air conditioner fixed. Shouldn’t be making that kind of noise . . . guess I’m a little on edge. Anyway, we *rumble blatttttt* OH GOD I KNEW IT THIS IS THE END . . . wait, what’s that smell . . . ? Oh, man, Mike, I warned you about those bean, cauliflower, lentil and broccoli salads! Someone open a window! Oh lord, the paint is peeling off the walls! Dammit, Mike…! Folks, just give a listen to this week’s show while I call a hazmat team. My eyes! Oh god, my eyes are burning! Gee, I sure hope we don’t get interrupted next week by another Summer Blockbuster . . .

Poll question: What is your favorite performance by Kevin Bacon? Leave a comment or call our “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” hotline at 617-398-7266.

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Episode 344 – Superman (2025)

Look! Up on the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a frog! (A frog?!) It’s another remake of “Sooperdooperman”, this time from James “Tommy” Gunn (that’s what I call him, ‘cause we’re best friends and I totally know him in real life and I’m not just talking about a stuffed penguin that I named James “Tommy” Gunn at all I don’t know why you would even think that). Yes, we’re got another of our Interrupting Series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not” and it’s quite the buster of blocks . . . or is it? Me, I don’t think “Tommy” Gunn really needed to include an in-depth narrative dive into all the types of Kryptonite out there. I mean sure, there’s Green Kryptonite that kills, Red Kryptonite that causes random plot devices to occur, and Gold Kryptonite that permanently removes Kryptonian super-powers (don’t know how they tested that . . .) but do we really need to know about Chartreuse Kryptonite that forces Superman to mix stripes with plaids? Or Taupe Kryptonite that causes any Kryptonian to experience uncontrolled, explosive nose-hair growth? Or Indigo Kryptonite that forces Superman to become obsessed with the intrinsic impermanence of all existence? Or Mauve Kryptonite, that causes any Kryptonian to talk endlessly about the novels of Susan Sondheim? Sure, all this is canon (and I when I say “canon” I mean my personal head-canon; don’t get me started on Industrial Grey Kryptonite) but do they need to spend 90 minutes of the film discussing them? No, of course they don’t, which is why none of this comes up in the film. Are you nuts? Am I nuts? Is Mike nuts? I think the answer here is pretty obvious, Josephine, but that’s neither here nor over behind that chair. Give a listen and see what we thought about what ACTUALLY happens in the film.

Poll question: who’s your favorite Superman, in movies or TV? Who wore the cape the best?

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