Episode 338 – Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)

Well, if we’re doing “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” as a series, there is no way we can ignore the King of Monsters, Godzilla (or Gojira, if you’re a purist). Godzilla: seventy years of squashing Tokyo under his belt and he shows no signs of slowing down. But which movie to choose? There are so many, both Japanese and American. Wow, this is tough . . . I know! How about a Godzilla movie with the smallest amount of Godzilla possible in it?! Sure! How about he gets frozen in a block of ice at the beginning and then we don’t see him for almost an hour? Genius! But have no fear, there’s plenty of other giant monsters to run screaming from . . . in fact, there’s almost all of them . . . briefly, anyway. And if that’s not enough for you, we’ve got aliens who dress like Matrix extras! And mutants whose mutations seem to mainly involve having really great hair. Truly this is an age of wonders! Not enough for you? How about rip-offs, I mean, tributes to “Independence Day” and several “Matrix” movies! Still not enough? How about marital arts fights? How about martial arts fights on motorcycles? How about scenes evocative of various Power Rangers shows? Yes, this movie truly does have it all . . . all of what? Well, give a listen and see if we can make any sort of sense out of this . . . or if we even need to!

Poll question: who is your favorite, most fun kaiju (giant monster)? Leave a comment or call our “I ❤️Godzilla” Hotline at 617-398-7266. Who knows? The Big G himself might answer (spoiler: he won’t answer).

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Episode 337 – Troll (2022)

When Mike said he was choosing a movie about a troll for this week’s episode of “Oh No! A Giant Monster!”, I naturally assumed he would make the obvious choice of an animated classic. No, not those silly “Trolls” movies with Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberland or whatever his name is; those are just colorful jukebox movies that I guess SOME people enjoyed. Nor did I expect “Trollkins: the Movie” but mainly because that remains sadly unfilmed. No, I truly believed that Mike would choose the greatest cinematic portrayal of a troll: Don Bluth’s tragically misunderstood “A Troll in Central Park.” Starring the voice talents of such luminaries as Dom DeLuise, Haley Mills, and Charles Nelson Riley (not to mention Cloris Leachman), this emotional tour de force has long been dismissed simply because it has a 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and because of ludicrous criticisms such as “slow” and “cloying” and “this is the same guy who did ‘Secret of NIMH’? What happened?” I am very sad to announce that Mike showed a similar barbaric response when I suggested that this would be his choice, mostly involving him laughing until Bosco came out his nose. No, he chose a giant monster movie (ok, that’s SLIGHTLY more in keeping with this series’ theme) from some country called Nogaway or something. I think he made it up. Anyway, courage, Don Bluth! I will tell the story of your greatest troll-based triumph some day! Until then, give a listen.

Poll question: what do you think is the most effective movie monster? Leave a comment or call our Giant-Monster-Sighting Hotline at 617-398-7266.

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Episode 336 – Them! (1954)

This week’s entry in our series “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” asks the question “Just what makes that little old ant/Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant/Everyone knows an ant/Can’t/Move a rubber tree plant.” BUT what if that selfsame ant is mutated by the magic that is 1950’s radiation into a GIANT ant? You don’t think he could smack around all the rubber tree plants he wants? Of course he can! And that’s the message of this week’s movie “Them!” That’s right, if you come up against a problem that seems too big for you to handle, get yourself exposed to the sorcerous wonder that is nuclear radiation and grow to gigantic size. It worked for the Amazing Colossal man! It worked for the Fifty Foot Woman! It can work for you and me. Hmmm . . . ok, maybe that isn’t exactly the message of this week’s movie. I suppose a more literalist interpretation would be more along the lines of “OH MY GOD! GIANT ANTS ARE KILLING PEOPLE! KILL THEM KILL THEM KILL THEM! SOMEONE GET A REALLY BIG SNEAKER TO HIT THEM WITH!” Yeah, if I’m being honest, that’s closer to the heart of this movie. But do these cinematic Hymenoptra terrify or just look silly? How about the actors? Hey, Peter Graves’ brother James Arness is in this! Does that count for something? Give a listen and find out!

Poll question: what kind of movie monster can you just not take seriously?

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Episode 335 – Super 8 (2011)

Welcome to a brand new, city-crushing series! We here at Max, Mike; Movies like to be larger-than-life so we’re trying to come up with some larger-than-life ideas for AHHHHH! A GIANT MONSTER IS ATTACKING THE CITY!! Ohhhhhh! Is it the judgment of the gods? Is it a metaphor for nuclear destruction? Perhaps it is the friend of all children! Hmmm, one would think the friend of all children would step on fewer orphanages, but perhaps the monster is just lonely or misunderstood. Giant monsters: so like us, and yet so not. But boy, do they generate a great number of movies, so we’re gonna talk about a bunch of them and perhaps THAT will save the city! Hey, it’s worth a try! We’re kicking off our new series, “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” with an early J.J. Abrams movie, produced by Steven Spielberg, so you know there will be adorable kids and plenty o’ lens flares! What more could a movie need? Why, a giant monster, that’s what! Give a listen and find out if we are all DOOOOOOMED or if beauty will kill the beast.

Poll question: what movie really represents your childhood?

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Episode 334 – Repo Man (1984)

Oi! We’re so done with our f-ing series “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: the ReBelievening”! And we’re closing it out with some serious PUNK ACTION! “Repo Man”! Yeah! Because Mike and I are totally punk! Look, Mike’s got a safety-pin stuck through his shirt collar in place of a button! How punk is that?! Me, I’m refusing to repair this small rip in my pants because ANARCHY! Yeah! Rage! Like this movie, we’re consumed by the anger and the frustration of the 1980’s and we’re not gonna take it! Mike, flip over that table! . . . No, no, don’t carefully turn it on its side after removing everything on it . . . well, sure move the vase of flowers out of the way, we don’t want water everywhere but YEAH! PUNK ROCK! I’m gonna kick over this chair! . . . Oh geez, oh geez, did I scratch the finish? Tell me I didn’t scratch the finish! I’m not hyperventilating, YOU’RE hyperventilating! And can we turn down that awful noise? Why does this music have to be so gosh darn loud? Who are they guys anyway? “Circle Jerks” . . . what kind of name is that?! It’s so . . . vulgar! But . . . it’s punk . . .? I don’t know, I just don’t, I mean . . . punk . . . rock . . . smash . . . burn . . . . .  look, I just need some chamomile tea and a nice sit-down for a while. You folks give a listen to our podcast and such. Mike, can you put on some Enya?

Poll question: what’s a movie people can’t believe you haven’t seen?

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Episode 333 – Nosferatu (2024)

Good eeeeevening. Ve bid you velcome to our humble series “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: the ReBelievening”. We are your vun! Two! Two hosts! AH AH AH AH! {THUNDERCLAP}, Count Max and Just-Learned-To-Count Mike, here in Castle MaxMikeMoviesStein. Zis veek, ve are discussing a true feel-good romp that vill make ze cheeldren of de night make de most beautiful music: 2024’s “Nosferatu.” A remake/tribute/vot-haff-you of the slanderous movies of ze same name from 1922 and 1979, zis varm, family-friendly delight tells ze story of a lovable but misunderstood nobleman and his adorable band of plague rats who just vant to be luffed. Is zat so wronk? Jolly Count Orlok only vants to leave his drafty, old castle in Transylvania and move into a new, modern, drafty old castle in Wisburg, Germany, vere his crush, Ellen, liffs. But Ellen has never even met the genial, bumbling Count! Oh no! Such vacky hijinks vill ensue! Voops, Orlok has killed and eaten the entire crew of the ship carrying him to his new home. Zany! Oh, no! Orlok, in his hurry to bring his new girlfriend a basket of posies or something, has accidentally released a ravening plague upon Wisburg, killing hundreds! Who hasn’t made ze same mistake, am I right, fellas? So relatable! So, pull up a coffin, gather any sweet, succulent cheeldren you might haff around, and enjoy your favorite drink while we discuss “Nosferatu.” Just not vine. Ve do not drink . . . vine.

Poll question: What is your favorite horror movie and why?

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Episode 332 – Carrie (1976)

High school, am I right? The combination of the onslaught of puberty, dealing with new people, peer pressure . . . everyone has their own nightmare. But what is the most terrifying thing about high school? Teenage girls. Well, if you’re a teenage boy, anyway (although I’ve heard this same thing from some former teenage girls so maybe I’m on to something). What terrors they command: they might laugh at us, they might start vicious rumors about us, they might not invite us to the “cool” party, they might shatter our bones with their telekinetic powers . . . hm? Really? That didn’t happen to any of you? Just me? Actually, wait, did that actually happen to me or am I once again unable to distinguish reality from a movie I just watched. Man, I hate when that happens; it was especially embarrassing after “Cats” . . . but anyway! This week’s entry in our series “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: the ReBelievening” is Stephen King’s first film adaptation of his first novel “Carrie,” a movie about a shy, tortured teenager with mysterious powers. It also stars William Katt, and I have to take a moment here to say to Brian De Palma, this movie’s director: you missed a golden opportunity for a Stephen King/Greatest American Hero crossover. That would have been one for the ages. But is the actual movie one for the ages? Give a listen and find out what we think!

Poll question: what’s your favorite Steven King adaptation?

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Episode 331 – Moon (2009)

Ah, the Moon. Distant. Mysterious. Probably not made of cheese (or that’s what they WANT you to believe). Its light is great for dancing . . . in.  That’s what we call a “Moondance,” and what a marvelous night it is for one! Sometimes it’s a “Blue Moon”, sometimes we have to beg it to “Shine On, Harvest Moon.” There might be a “Man on the Moon!” See those women over there? They might be “Sisters of the Moon!” You don’t know, they might be! Why are you arguing with me?! Do you see a “Bad Moon Rising”? Just listen to that “Moonlight Serenade”! Some say it’s “Only a Paper Moon” but you’d think it would fall apart after a while. Or get soggy from all that space humidity But what’s that behind you?! Are you being followed by a “Moonshadow”?! Call the proper authorities! But this week’s cinematic tribute to the Moon, in our series “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: the ReBelievening,” is titled simply “Moon” and Max has never seen it!  And yes, there’s a guy “Walking on the Moon” and that guy is Sam Rockwell! More than once, too (check out the show; you’ll see what I mean). Join us and see if the moon hits our eye like a big pizza pie, and if we need subsequent medical treatment or corneal grafts! And consider the question: “flag on the moon . . . how did it get there?” Whoooaaaaaaaa . . .

Poll question: what is one of your favorite movies and why? Comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266.

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