Episode 397 – Cat People (1942)

This week’s installment of “Cuz It’s Good for You” is a spine-chilling tale of horror about . . . cat people! Imagine the nightmare of someone cursed to take on the attributes of a cat! Watch in dread as a beautiful Serbian woman . . . ruins the furniture with her claws! Gasp in horror as she slowly deliberately . . . pushes a glass of water off a table! Shiver in your seat as the hell beast . . . refuses to eat the exact same food she enjoyed yesterday! Can your heart stand the strain as she gazes at the man besotted with her and demands to know if she can, in fact, haz cheeseburger? What twisted mind could concoct such infernal horrors? Well, it’s in the Criterion Collection, so that means you not only have to see it, you have to appreciate it. Turn the lights down, enjoy a feast most fancy, and pray to Ceiling Cat to save your soul from this desperate tail. I mean, tale.

Poll question What horror movie gave you nightmares? What monster stayed with you?

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Episode 396 – WALL-E (2008)

Welcome to another enriching episode of our series “Cuz It’s Good For You”! You know what’s NOT good for you? Rampant consumerism! A culture of cheap, disposable goods! Corporate greed! All the things that go to making a great . . . children’s movie?! Uh . . . sure, why not, because that’s what’s happening here in 2008’s “WALL-E,” a Disney/Pixar production that showcases all these things but also gives us adorable, anthropomorphic robots (who barely speak) who engage our sympathy and interest. There’s even a pet cockroach, realistically rendered, that somehow Pixar makes . . . cute! Remember back when Pixar could do stuff like that? When they thought difficult situations or painful emotions WEREN’T things to be afraid of? Yeah . . . me too. So, is this film one of those? Or, under the claw of the Dark Mouse, is this one that marked the loss of what made Pixar great? Hmmm. If only there was a way to find out . . . Wait a minute! You can give a listen to us! Listen to our opinions! Laughingly discount them and form your own! That’s just fine with us! Enjoy!

Poll question: who is your favorite Pixar (or Disney/Pixar) protagonist?

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Episode 395 – Purple Noon (1960)

Ahhh, mes enfants. Gather around, light up your many, many cigarettes and attendez-vous to this, the latest pointless entry in our series “Cuz It’s Good For You,” our latest meaningless distraction from the misery of existence and our inexorable descent into the grave. You, get me another keg of Pernod. Ah, bon, bon. Oui, this time Michel and I, we choose yet another laughable excuse for art from Le Collection de Criterion, Réne Clément’s, or as you foolish Americans say, Rene Clement’s, slightly-less-insignificant-than-some work “Purple Noon.” This film, she is adapted from le novel by Patricia Highsmith, involving the banal, time-wasting character that is M’sieu Tom Ripley. For those who find such fripperies of interest, this film was remade as “The Talented Mr. Ripley” involving the trivial performer Matt Damon, in yet another purposeless flicker in the darkness that is the world. “Purple Noon” stars some actors whose beauty is as brief and passing as the life of the fruit fly, and whose skilled performances leave us empty and weak. Come, give a listen to our trifling meanderings. Let us offer a diversion from your normal contemplation of the feckless and cruel state that is life. Someone bring me another three hundred Galois. Maintenant!

Poll question: who is your favorite non-U.S. actor? Leave a comment or dial our International Hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave, how you say, the mail of the voice.

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Episode 394 – His Girl Friday (1940)

Good morning, children. Is everyone sitting comfortably? Phones away? Good. This morning on Mr Max, Mr. Mike, and Mr. Movies, we’re starting a wonderful new series. Sienna, please put that away. You can play with your tritium vials later. Now Mr. Movies can be lots of fun, can’t he, children? But not all things can be about fun, can they? No, they can’t. Mr. Movies is also good for you! Mr. Movies has many, many movies that you should watch, enjoy, and learn from. Learning is the most fun, isn’t it, children? Dakota, that weighted blanket is NOT a weapon. Unwrap Dyylann’s head, please. We’re going to be selecting movies that are GOOD for you, not just silly stories and spanii. Stop crying, Fidelia, this is going to help you get into graduate school some day. These are very special movies, from a very special library called the Criterion Collection. You make sure to tell your parents that you’re watching good, enriching movies that teach valuable life lessons and promote thoughtful discussion, like “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” which helps us learn about hotel management. Or “Fiend Without a Face”, which teaches us that sassing your parents will cause your skull to disappear, leaving your brain wandering around by itself. Or “Scanners,” which helps us understand that if you don’t obey authority figures, your head will explode. We’re starting off with 1940’s “His Girl Friday,” a wonderfully sedate, slow-paced film that explains how girls shouldn’t want to be reporters or anything hard like that; they should just want to be mommies. So we’ll be stopping the movie about the first hour and fifteen minutes or so. Won’t that be fun? Settle in for learning. Ashleigh! Give Ashley back her spleen this instant!

Poll question: what is your favorite movie about journalism or journalists, print, video, or other? Leave a comment or drop a hot tip on our hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 393 – Cleopatra (1963)


Hear, O ye flippin’ gods, hear how the great epic of “Tops and Bottoms” now comes to a glorious end! Yea, Maxshepsut, god of all Post-it notes, and his Priest-King Mikehotep, the Constantly Flatulent, have tackled a most ponderous epic of legendary legendness, massive of budget and stupendous of run-time: “Cleopatra,” greatest hauler of wealth of the year 19 and 63! For many hours did we ponder this ponderous pontiff of . . . pontoons. Silence! Mock not the ancient writings of two days ago! Join in our epic journey! Thrill to our opinions of Richard of Burton, drinker of heroic proportions! Witness bears . . . I mean, bear witness to our learned discourse on the performance of Elizabeth of Taylor and her god-like ability to wear countless costumes! Stare open-mouthed at our masterful considerations of Rex of Harrison and his refusal to break out into even the smallest of songs throughout this work! Mountains of gold did this movie claim for its studio masters . . . but was it worth it, in the end? What dread price had to be paid for this endeavor? Friends, Podcast Audience, Laundry men . . . lend us your ears! We promise to return them with only minor damage!

Poll question: what is your favorite epic movie and why? Leave a comment or leave an epic voicemail on our hotline at 617-398-7266.

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Episode 392 – The Day Mars Invaded Earth (1963)

Oh those darn Martians! If it’s not one thing with them, it’s another! Either they want to Attack! or they want to steal our Santa Claus or they need women or they want to invade Puerto Rico . . . it’s always something! Geez, guys, get it together. You’d think they’d be happy with all those Rovers we keep sending them, but no! In this week’s penultimate installation of “Tops and Bottoms,” we’re addressing a decades-old issue when Mars decided to invade Earth, apparently. Or at least they decided to invade a really impressive estate in California. That’s practically the same thing. Join us and find out if this is an overlooked classic, a so-bad-it’s-good number, or . . . something else. Give a listen; don’t make us rouse Chochum out of his cave!

Poll question: For science fiction films, do you like the large-scale space battles or massive invasion sequences, or the smaller stories, involving only a few people dealing with the aliens/anomalies/whatever? Leave a comment or call our interstellar hotline at 617-398-7266

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Episode 391 – Billionaire Boy’s Club (2018)

Hey kids! It’s time for everyone’s favorite club here in our “Tops and Bottoms” series, “Billionaire Boy’s Club”! Yaaaay! C’mon, everyone, let’s all sing along with the Club song!

Who’s the members of the club that we will never see?
B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E!
Who will screw their fam’ly, friends, and then screw you and me?
B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E!
Billionaires! (Money rules!) Billionaires! (Gosh they’re tools!)
They’ll sell their souls to keep their profits high! High! High! High!
Come along and sing the song, push morals out to sea,
B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E!

Wasn’t that FUN? Give a listen as we discuss the lowest-grossing film of 2018 and see if you can pick up subtle clues as to whether we think it deserved its fate. Yaaaay!

Poll question: What is the last GREAT movie you saw in the theater and why is it great? Leave a comment or call the last great hot line at 617-398-7266 and leave a great message!

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Episode 390 – Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Hey there, No-Prize Winners and Merry Marvel Marchers! This week’s entry in “Tops and Bottoms” [pause for Mike to stop giggling for some reason] is the biggest earner of 2018 and it’s the penultimate Avengers movie of Marvel’s Phase 3, Ephesians 7, Jackson 5, or whatever it was and it made a barge-load of ducats when it came out, and why wouldn’t it? I mean, you’ve got Doc Bruce Banner it, and while as the Hulk he may be un-glamor-rays, still he’s apparently loveable! You’ve got Captain America throwing his mighty shield! And what happens to those who chose to oppose his shield? Why, they must surely yield! And here’s Tony Stark who may make you feel he’s a cool exec with a heart of steel, as Iron Man, with jets ablaze, he fights and smites with repulsor rays! He does! I have it on the best authority! Plus, you’ll behold in breathless wonder the God of Thunder, Mighty Thor (that’s a deeper). There’s even some guy in this movie who does whatever a spider can! And so many other superheroes who were never lucky enough to get their own 60’s theme songs, poor devils. Black Panther needs a theme song, dammit! So how does this box office juggernaut (wait, he’s in another franchise, right? Maybe two?) hold up after the better part of a decade? Give a listen to Mulching Max Levine and Macerating Mike Luce to find out! Expeliarmus! I mean, Excelsior!

Poll question: what’s your favorite superhero movie? Leave a super comment or leave a voicemail as your secret identity on our hot line at 617-398-7266

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Episode 389 – Star Wars: the Force Awakens (2015)

A long, long time ago . . . ok, so it was eleven years . . . in a galaxy, far, far away . . . except it’s actually the one we’re in now, and it wasn’t even that far away on this planet so this is clearly going nowhere WHY did I take this job?! ANYWAY . . . so, here and now in our series “Tops and Bottoms” we’re tackling the first film in the third trilogy . . . yeah, that’s about right, of the “Star Wars” behemoth, “The Force Awakens”, a film that was in no way divisive and everyone had well-thought-out and calm reactions to and that they addressed in polite and civil discourse with one another and nobody was mean or vicious or racist or sexist and then they all went to the sea shore (that’s a deeper). This was, big surprise, the biggest earner of Republic credits or quatloos or something in 2015, so that means we’re gonna discuss it. Don’t worry, we’re going to be models of decorum and talk about this film in a measured and reasonable fashion, provided that Mike agrees with everything I say and doesn’t try to be an EVIL AND BAD DUMB MR. WRONGY MCWRONGHEAD FROM WRONGSVILLE AND FAIL TO TREAT MY OPINIONS AS GOSPEL WRITTEN UPON GOLDEN TABLETS AND STUFF! So, sure, this’ll be fun . . . . give a listen and find out how much fun!

Poll question: Who is your favorite Star Wars character and why?

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Episode 388 – Jem and the Holograms (2015)

This time we’re starting with the Bottom of 2015 in our “Tops and Bottoms” series (dammit, why does Mike keep giggling at that title?) and the biggest money loser of 2015 was “Jem and the Holograms,” a live action movie based on an 80’s cartoon about a girl-group popstar band. Now, regardless of what we have to say about this movie, I have to point out that this film was clearly doomed from the start. What was John Chu thinking when he signed on to direct? If you’re going to adapt a cartoon about a musical group, how could you choose anything other than that under-appreciated classic “Jabberjaw”?! I mean, really, how can you top a talking shark who does an impression of Curly Howard while using Rodney Dangerfield’s classic catchphrase “I don’t get no respect!” Comedy gold! I’m thinking Ryan Reynolds for Biff, Margot Robie for Bubbles, Megan Fox as Shelley, Jared Leto as Clamhead, and Sir Ian McKellen as the voice of a CGI Jabberjaw. My god, it writes itself! Hanna-Barbera, you’re sitting on an untapped gold mine! You could make the underwater world of the show a kind of dystopian, post-apocalyptic setting! Think “Waterworld” meets “Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space”! Have your people call my people! In the meantime, give a listen as we discuss what these poor saps actually chose for source material. So misguided . . .

Poll question: can you think of a cartoon show from your past that would make a good live-action movie? Leave a comment or call our live-action hotline at 617-398-7266

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