Hear, o noble-formerly-known-as-Prince, of the tale of Flingdor and his travels through the dark lands of Genectigazoink with his noble companion Skinamarinkadinkydink and his magic plorfdamper as they seek the mystic Dingus-Thingy that only the Choosened One can find to defeat the evil Blorfhamper and his dread army of tap-dancing Death Clams!
Ok, yes, the 80’s brought us more than a few . . . questionable fantasy movies (I’m looking at you, “Deathstalker” series) but it also brought some surprisingly enduring ones, including one that Mike has chosen for this “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” series. Yes, I confess, my youth has been missing a pretty serious fragment in that I, Max, had never seen “The Neverending Story” . . . until now. Is it an enduring movie? Check Season 3 of “Stranger Things” if you don’t think so (you know the episode I mean). So, what did I think? Did I enjoy it? I hope you know, because I can’t remember. Good thing we recorded it. Does Mike think it holds up? Does the scene in the Swamps of Sadness still wring hearts? Hop aboard your Racing Snail and give a listen!
Poll question: what movie that you saw as a child still makes you feel the same way as an adult?
Howdy, howdy, howdy! Yipee kay yo kay yay! Yeeee-haw! Other Western expressions! Why? Because this week’s entry in our “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” series is, you guessed it, a Western. Sort of. Kind of. It’s complicated. But however you shellack your Stetson (that’s a phrase, isn’t it?), this one’s a classic, the first pairing of Robert Redford and Paul Newman, in a movie penned by William Goldman, the man who brought us “The Princess Bride”. And would you believe it? Mike’s never seen it! So I’ve undertaken to correct this shocking shock of shockness and now he’s watched it! Hooray for me! Buffalo stew and cactus fricassee for everyone! But how did Mike like it? Come to think of it, how did I like it? It’s been forever and a day since I’ve seen it . . . oh lord, how DID I like it? I don’t know! Up is down! Black is white! Papier mâché is Crème Brulé! How can we know what’s true? Actually, that’s pretty easy! Give a listen to this week’s episode and we can all learn and laugh and love together . . . again! Yee haw . . .? Podner?
Poll question: assuming you like Westerns at all, do you have a preference for the old, classic, John Wayne-y Westerns like “Fort Apache” or “The Magnificent Seven” or do you prefer the more recent, grittier Westerns, like “Unforgiven” or “Young Guns” or even “Dances with Wolves”?
Welcome, welcome to our new series . .. which is a sequel to an old series! In fact, it’s a new version of our very first series: “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” Yes, once again Mike and I are challenging each other to watch movies that one of us has never seen but we really should have and the fact that we haven’t means we’re fundamentally flawed and bad people and oh god I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m a terrible person what’s WRONG with me . . . ok, ok, it’s fine, we’re fine, I’m fine, we’re all fine here . . . how are you? Well, we’re hoping you all are both fine AND dandy as we kick off this series with Mike’s first pick, revealing my shame: I have never seen the movie “American Pie.” Much to my disappointment, it is not, repeat NOT, a visual representation of the classic Don McLean song (why not? Someone missed a golden opportunity here) but rather a raunchy teen comedy and spawner of a thousand memes (not the kind I left France because of). So, get yourself a slice of apple pie, break out your favorite band camp stories and join us as we discuss the film that brought us the icon that is Stiffler’s Mom!
Poll question: what movie best represents YOU? What movie sums you up?
And so, we come to the close of our “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” series and what a ride it’s been! How can we choose the proper film to close out a series that focuses on memorable dialogue, clever quips, hilarious bon mots and the like? Did we choose a towering classic? No. Did we choose an adaptation from a great work of literature? No, no we did not. Did we choose a film that has left a very clear mark on the cinematic landscape? . . . you know, yes, we kinda did. Keep in mind that “leaving a mark” can mean many different things. It can be a shining monument to a concept or idea. It can be terrible scar that changes the viewer forever. Or it can be an unbelievable, horrendous mess left smeared across the film stock that leaves one shaking one’s head and talking randomly to household plants. Guess which of these definitions fits this week’s movie . . . gee, you didn’t even need to the other two guesses. Yes, this week Mike and I don our hazmat suits and plunge waist-deep into the industrial waste disaster that is Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room,” a baffling cinematic extrusion that has somehow become a twenty-year phenomenon as a cult movie at midnight shows. Does this movie deserve to join the ranks of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” and “Rock and Roll High School”? Is it so-bad-it’s-good or is it just so-bad-that-the-creator-should-be-thrown-in-a-sack-and-beaten-with-reeds? Join us and find out, HANH? Don’t worry about it!
Poll question: what movie did you go into expecting to hate or be bored by but ended up really enjoying?
P.S. In case anyone is interested, this is the source of the tile of this current series: https://youtu.be/_2LqmcjIeMU?t=85
All right, Whiteman von Richington, let’s see the report on the most troublesome fraternity here at Max, Mike; University. Oh my . . . filling the school’s swimming pools with Bumpy Pucks . . . starting a ludicrous podcast series called . . . am I reading this right? “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” . . . sounds communist to me, and I should know: I’m a crusty old Dean! . . . doing in-depth analyses of mindless 1970’s comedy films . . . I’ve seen enough! That’s it! Bumpy House is now on quadruple MK-Ultra mega-codeword probation! I won’t rest until I’ve revoked their charter and had all their members rendered down into glue! I tell you . . . wait, what’s this? A picture of Bumpy? With my WIFE??! What . . . how . . . BUMPY HOOOUUUUSSSE!!!!
Join us as we see how well this 1970’s product of the comedy juggernaut that was National Lampoon holds up 45 years later. Yes, it was John Belushi’s breakout role, made a ton of money, and made Donald Sutherland’s accountant cry himself to sleep at night (find out why) but how problematic is the humor here? And, more importantly for this series, how quotable is it? Grab ten thousand marbles and give a listen!
Poll question: Who is the actor, male or female, that you thought we lost way too soon?
Well, our “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” series is drawing to a close with this, our penultimate episode and wow, we’ve kinda picked a “Whoops-All-Crunchberries” example of a quotable movie, as so dang much of this Abrahams, Zucker and Zucker production is, and has been, quotable. People who’ve never seen the movie quote it! So, we’re discussing it in our podcast. A podcast? What is it? It’s two silly ninnies sitting around talking about movies, but that’s not important right now. Hmmm. Maybe this flick hasn’t aged as well as we thought. Well, once we get clearance from Clarence and make our donation to the Church of Religious Consciousness (donation = boot to the head), we can get underway. How ‘bout some more coffee, Johnny? But, honestly, how well has this movie actually held up? It’s over forty years old; how have the jokes aged? Any awkward moments? Are people still trying to call me Shirley? And who really is pinch-hitting for Pedro Borbon? Give a listen and find out!
Poll question: what is your favorite cinematic “dream team”? What team of actors/writers/directors/whatever, any combination thereof, do you love to see?
Well, hello, good folk! Welcome to another in our “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” series! Michael is just coming into the grand salon . . . oh, do be careful with that long two-by-four you’re balancing on your shoulder, Michael. Wait, don’t turn around! . . . Goodness, glad I ducked or you might have smote me in the noggin. What a silly mishap that would have been! You’d best turn around again and continue on your way . . . heavens to Betsy, you almost struck me in the cranium again with that lumber! What an unfortunate caprice that would have been! Oh, be sure not to step on that banana peel . . . oh no! You have stepped on it! And now you have banana smeared all over your shoe! What a ninny you are, Michael! Thank goodness you didn’t fall! Now, put down that board and help me move this seven-tiered wedding cake over to that table next to all the spilled ball-bearings, and hurry! The Dowager Countess and her retinue will be here any moment. Yes, that’s good, let’s put the cake next to that tureen of piping hot soup there, balanced precariously on that pyramid of priceless crystal goblets . . . there we go, no problems at all! Our fete can commence! Strange, though . . . for some reason all this feels . . . disappointing.
Clearly Mike and I have not mastered the subtleties of wacky physical comedy; give a listen and see if Messrs. James Carey and Jeffrey Daniels make a better go of it in this week’s movie “Dumb and Dumber.” Now, where did I put that crate of badly-packed fireworks and jet fuel-soaked cotton balls . . .?
Poll question: what is the dumbest movie you’ve ever seen? You may have liked it, you might have hated it, but you know it was dumb.
Hello, children. Hello. Welcome to Max, Mike; Storytime. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin. Today we’re reading a fairy-tale that’s a little different. I haven’t read this “Princess Bride” myself, but I’m sure it’ll be every so much fun. Let’s see, just skim over this, make sure it’s ok for the tiny tots . . . there’s the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. Oh, isn’t that nice? And she meets a Handsome Prince who seems . . oh. Huh. Well, that’s not very nice. Oh, but she’s in love with a nice boy from her farm! That’s nice! And he . . . dies? Wait, I think I read that wrong. There’s a pirate, who’s a good guy? Oh, and an Evil Giant . . . who actually isn’t evil and someone really does die? What? “The Pit of Despair”? “The Machine”?! Ok, boys and girls, Uncle Max isn’t too sure this is such a good story for you to . . . hey, where did you get all those knives? You should be careful! Knives are only for grownups because . . . ow! Why, you little . . . ok, ok, I’ll keep reading, just untie Uncle Mike! Wait, what do you mean “he likes it”? What’s happening here?!
If any movie is quotable, it’s this one. But how does this almost forty-year old film adaptation of a novel that pretends to be an adaptation of a much older (and nonexistent) book hold up? Is it as iconic as people think? Inconceivable! And no, I don’t know what that word means!
Poll question: Who is your favorite athlete turned actor? Or do you think athletes should just stay in their lane?
Ok, man, like, we’ve got another entry in “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” and man, I don’t know, it’s just really . . . y’know? I mean, it’s the Coen brothers, man, there’s beverages involved. You gotta pay attention; life does not start and stop at your convenience, Donnie! So give a listen and find out if there’s a rug that ties this podcast together or if we’re all just stuck in a nihilist world, man. Pour yourself a Caucasian, light up a jay . . . I mean, this is a very complicated movie. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous. And a lotta quotes. So many quotes! So join us or . . . you know, what? F*** it, Mike, let’s go bowling. Ok, we can go bowling AFTER the podcast. Fine, man. Just do me a favor: ease up on the cussin’. Come and abide with us.
Seriously, for many people this movie is a revelation, a way of life or even a fashion choice. The Dude’s iconic outfit resides now in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Museum. Don’t believe me? Behold! Photographic evidence from Mike himself.
Poll question: What’s your favorite cinematic twisty-turny whodunit?
Ahhhhh, my dear detectives! So kind of you all to join us here at our little “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” soiree! We hope you’ve enjoyed the aperitifs and the sparkling conversation because . . . none of you are leaving here alive! Unless, that is, you can solve this mind-manglingly difficult puzzle we know set before you! Ahahahahaha! Yes, to solve this puzzle, you will need to solve a series of deadly challenges, each worse than the one before. In the end, these challenges will help you solve this lethal riddle: what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in . . . what? Uhhh . .. look, you’re not just supposed to yell out the answer! How could you know?! You haven’t solved any of the deadly challenges! You’re not supposed to . . . yes, yes, you’re right, I need to sit down. Fine. Unbolt the doors, disable the spike traps, lock up the piranha-chickens. Whole evening is just ruined. Get out! Jerks.
This week we bring you a movie that Mike and I have been quoting incessantly for decades, even when begged repeatedly to stop, for the love of all the gods, knock it off. No! Not us! Check out this Neil Simon wacky comedy which lampoons murder mysteries and a number of the most famous literary detectives this side of Nero Wolfe! Does it hold up after almost half a century? And what’s going on with Peter Sellers playing . . . oh, dear . . . well, give a listen and find out.
Poll question: identify a quotable movie with one line that is NOT one of the best known quotes; no “Play it, Sam” or “I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more” or “Inconceivable!”