Mike’s Altman Sequence

“It’s like “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy” meets “Bambi.” I think we can get  Glenn Close and Timothee Chalamet in this. I’m friends of friends of both of them.

I think if we cut out half the actors and add three more explosions we’ll have a much tighter picture.

The audience tests suggest that the part of the mother should be removed. I mean, who needs mothers these days, am I right?

No matter what we try, the damned guilds won’t let us stiff the writers. I don’t know what’s WRONG with those people! Don’t they know that pictures cost money?

Where’s my Pelegrino Elite?

Oh, he’s a jerk. They’re all jerks. Hey, how’s it going? Yah, great to see you, too! Butthead.

If I can just get ten minutes…FIVE! I can give you the pitch for the next Best Picture! And it will only cost a million five to make!

I don’t care if he’ll do it for free, no one wants to see Godzilla in a G-string.

Star Trek meets “Mrs. Doubtfire.” They said it couldn’t be done, but I guess we proved them wrong!

Two million for a music budget? Hell with that! Who needs music? The actors can just hum. What’re we paying them for?

I don’t care if Spielberg’s DOG wrote this, it’s still crap! Now if Wes Anderson’s dog sends us a script, THAT I wanna read!

You know who I saw her with? Don Rickles. Can you believe that? And I didn’t even think she was kosher.

You know what’s missing from movies these days? Thirty minute opening shots where everyone’s talking over each other. Why don’t they do things like that any more?

Aww, you know what I miss? Silver Nitrate stock! There’s nothing like going to a movie not knowing whether it’s going to catch fire or not. Those were the days!