Please make sure your safety harness is tightly secured and that your eye and ear protection is firmly in place, ‘cause in this week’s “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me”, we’re taking on one of the most hated movies of the last quarter century: “Showgirls.” Starring “Saved By the Bell” alumna Elizabeth Berkley as a dancer/stripper (I’ll let that description sink in for a moment), this Razzie-sweeping tower of dreck was my choice for Mike’s delectation and detestation. Mike, whether he realized it or not, took it easy on me with “Sherlock Gnomes.” This week, I show him what mistake that was. Directed by Paul “Basic Instinct” Verhoeven, this movie continues his ongoing themes of respect and empowerment for women andbwahHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I’m sorry, I couldn’t even type that with a straight face. Again, as per the rules settled on by the International Society of Uniform Cinematic Knowledge (iSUCK), only Mike had to experience the sheer power of “Showgirls.” And when I say “experience the sheer power,” I mean it in the sense of sitting down in a pool of water with a live multi-megawatt power cable. I merely stood back, wearing my smoked glasses, watched the sparks and listened to the screams. Join us now, and enjoy Mike’s screams along with me.
Hang on to your hats and your lunches, most respected listeners! We’re starting up a brand-new series this week on “Max, Mike: Movies.” For the last few weeks, we’ve been watching some pretty swell movies, really fine examples of cinema. Well that. Ends. Now. We’re starting a new series, appropriately titled “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me!” wherein Mike and I challenge each other (and when I say “challenge,” I mean “torture and abuse”) by playing a sort of Bad Movie Poker. We take turns choosing the worst pieces of cinematic dreck we can find and forcing the other person (and ONLY the other person) to watch them. We will then compare every two weeks and see who had the “best” hand, “best” meaning “came closest to causing the other person to claw their own eyes out.” Now as you’ve guessed, this is no easy task. The two of us are certainly no strangers to bad movies (remember “In Search of D&D”?) so we’ve really had to pull on the hazmat suits and slog our way through Hollywood’s toxic waste dumps to bring you the most steaming radioactive slagheaps every to be projected on a screen. This week, Mike makes the opening salvo by launching an animated crapburger of a sequel that NO ONE demanded, “Sherlock Gnomes,” the follow-up to “Gnomeo and Juliet.” Yes, these are movies about sentient garden gnomes, based entirely on their bad-pun titles. Want to see how badly I’m bleeding after being subjected to this celluloid root canal? Join us . . . if you dare.
Hello, trailer fans! You thought we forgot, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU? Well, we didn’t, so who’s the caramel-covered aardvark now, hmm? Yes, before we start our next series we’ve got a little drain cleanser. I mean, palate cleanser: the long-awaited follow-up to our Trailer Trash episode. We talked about the trailers; well, now we’ve actually seen the movies! Us? See movies? Wow, we really live out there on the edge, don’t we? Well, tune in and see what we thought of the movies and how well the trailers managed our expectations. And help yourself to some caramel-covered aardvark. Mmmmm, tasty.
Wot wot, old top! Blimey, ‘tis time for another spot of the old “I Keep Meaning to Watch That,” dontcherknow. Now, everyone join in for a rousing chorus of “God Save the Queen,” there’s good chaps!
Right, I’ll stop now. I don’t even know why I did that. Bit silly, really. It’s not like this movie was made by an English fellow. No. It’s made by the very American Mr. Steven Spielberg and it was my choice this week. Why? Because while I’ve seen quite a few of Spielberg’s motion picture talkies, I’d never seen this one and dadgummit, I wanted to. So we did. Based on the semi-autobiographical novel by J.G. Ballard, it stars a 12-year-old Batman. Sorry, I mean a 12-year-old Christian Bale, as well as a fully-grown John Malkovich and an equally adult Miranda Richardson and tells the story of a young upper-class English boy who has been growing up in Shanghai during the prelude to WWII and suddenly finds his world turned upside down when the Japanese invade China. The boy is sent to a Japanese internment camp where he has to grow up fast and learn an entirely new way the world works. Is this one of Mr. Spielberg’s better efforts? Buy us a pint, guv, and we’ll suss it right out . . . OW! Ok, ok, sorry Mike, I’ll stop.
Have you ever wanted a chance to almost kind of be a tiny bit famous? Do YOU have OPINIONS on movies? Is yours a voice that needs to be heard? Well, here’s your chance! Max and Mike want YOU to be our first ever extra-juicy special-est guest ever on Max, Mike; Movies! All you need to do is tell us, in 25 words or less, why YOU should be that host. We will require you to join us on a Skype call, be flexible when it comes to scheduling for the session, be ready to talk and it will be YOU that choses the movie! It can be a movie you’d love to help us rip apart, or a movie that you think deserves more attention. Is there a movie you want to change people’s minds about? That’d work, too! So email us your 25 words or less to US at maxmikemoves dot (com). Max and Mike will choose a winner from all entries. Deadline for entries will be September 1st, 2019. So hurry!
Our respected listeners: thank you for inviting us to your audio device on this, the day of your daughter’s wedding. And I hope that your first podcast will be a masculine podcast. Always remember: leave the gun, take the cannoli. And the podcast. Yes friends, this week in “I Keep Meaning to Watch That”, Mike finally gets to watch the American classic “The Godfather.” How did he get me to watch this movie? He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. What was this offer? “Hey, Max, we’re watching ‘The Godfather’ next week.” You can see I had no choice. Featuring brilliant performances (hey, remember when Al Pacino could be subtle?), an amazing script, and heaps of Oscars, this movie has been a part of our culture for over 40 years. But how does someone who has absorbed the movie through popular culture but never actually seen it react, once he does see it? Tune in and find out.
Great to see you back, dear listeners! Wonderful! Just stellar! Absolutely stellar! Stellar! Stellah! HEY, STELLA!!! Yes, that’s my brilliant lead-in to this week’s entry in “I Keep Meaning to Watch That,” “A Streetcar Named Desire.” With a screenplay written by Tennessee Williams, and adapted from his successful stage play, this movie stars two of the most amazing actors of its time: Marlon Brando and Vivien Leigh. Chosen by Mike, this is one of “those” movies, the movies you’re supposed to see if you consider yourself a fan of film (no, I’d never seen it either; I’d read the play but never seen the movie). With its raw, gritty emotion and rather painful view of humanity, this isn’t the easiest movie to watch. Is it worth the effort? Tune in and we’ll let you know what we think.
Howdy, podners! Yee haw, we got us a giant-sized episode of “I Keep Meaning to Watch That” this week, chosen by Max, and he chose “Giant.” Why? Because I’ve always felt that the true story of the Jolly Green Giant has gone untold for too long. Where exactly is his valley? What is his relationship to Sprout? How did . . . excuse me? Oh, oh right, this is the Rock Hudson, Elizabeth Taylor and James Dean sprawling story of the trials and tribulations of a Texas cattle, and later oil, family. Sigh. I guess we’ll have to wait for that Green Giant biopic. Someday . . . But yes, this film represents 25% of James Dean’s film career and when you watch him in this . . . well, you see what a damn shame it is that his career was cut so short. Technically, Dean is only a supporting character, but do Hudson and Taylor carry the film? Lend us your ears (we’ll give them back, largely undamaged) and we’ll let you know what we think.
Welcome our most tubular and non-grody listeners! In this week’s episode of “I Keep Meaning to Watch That,” Mike chooses another Cameron Crowe-written opus: the teen movie classic “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” directed by Amy Heckerling. This movie is a bit more complex than you might expect and, while full of goofy bits (like Sean Penn, in what I consider the greatest role of his career: Spicolli the surfer dude), we also get hit with some surprisingly serious themes, none of which linger. See the early days of Judge Rheinhold, Phoebe Cates, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Phoebe Cates, not-so-early Ray Walston, Phoebe Cates, Phoebe Cates, Phoebe . . . *ahem*, ‘scuse me, moments of my lost youth overwhelming me there. So give a listen and see what my co-host Phoebe Cates, DAMMIT, Mike makes of this movie, never seeing it as a teen, now seeing it as . . . well, in the eyes of the law he’s an adult. Technically.
Heeeeeyyy, dudes and dudettes! Welcome back to WMMM, that’s Radio Max, Mike; Movies, playing all the hits, all the time, all the way home! We’re here with Captain Nutbar, Squeegee, The Countersunk Screw and all the wacky crew . . . right, that’s enough of that. Yes, our movie this week in our series “I Keep Meaning to Watch That” is Cameron Crowe’s semi-autobiographical film about his days following a band for Rolling Stone, and yes, there’s a lot of cool music in it but that’s no excuse for us to act like wacky morning DJs. Ever. This week’s movie is Max’s choice; I kept hearing how good this movie is and how great the soundtrack is. I guess what really sold me is the famous scene when they’re all on the bus singing that great tribute song to the star of “Who’s the Boss?” Hm? Oh, come on, you know. The Elton John song. “Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza.” Why are you rolling your eyes like that? Come and roll your ears at us instead.