[scene: studio execs at Touchstone Pictures talking to director Michael Bay]
Execs: So, Mr. Bay, we’re looking for a major summer tentpole movie for 1998. Any ideas?
Michael Bay: BOOM! KABLAM! KABLOOIE! SKADAM!!
Execs: An asteroid, you say? Love it! So, we get some big stars in a disaster movie . . . what else?
Michael Bay: POW! SKABOOM! BLAMBLAMBLAMBOOM!
Execs: Sure, Bruce Willis, that Ben Affleck kid, Liv Tyler, an Aerosmith tie-in . . . what do you think, Jerry Bruckheimer?
Jerry Bruckheimer: BLAMMO! KAPOW! BOOOOOOOOM!
Execs: Genius! These guys are geniuses! Give them all the money!
Yes, friends, I have perfectly recreated the pitch meeting for 1998’s blockbuster “Armageddon.” Sway in awe of my powers of recreation! We’re up to our final pairing in our “… But An Incredible Simulation” series and the first half of the pair is very successful, if scientifically slightly-questionable, movie “Boom Boom ‘Splodey-‘Splodey Space Rock Movie” (I’m pretty sure that was the working title; don’t look it up). Join us and our special guest Bruce Willis (hey, he’s in the movie, that means it counts as a guest appearance. I made it up, I mean, looked it up!) and see if this master class in astrophysics also doubles as a fun movie! Boom!
Poll question: what is your favorite Bruce Willis performance?