Soooo Mr. Bond. We
have come to the end of our little game, haven’t we. Yes, this amusing little series . . . what
did you call it? “Get ‘em, Jimmy”, yes? Following the highs and lows of your
career? How droll. Would you call this a
low? Heh heh heh. And how appropriate, for now you are the one who have been
“got.” “Gotten.” “Gotted?” Never mind!
We’re not so different, you and I, Mr. Bond; both of us . . . what?! No!
How did you get loose?! Guards! Seize him! Don’t let him get to the Big Villain
Lair Destroying Button in the center of the room! WHY do we have that again?
So, while the guards are attempting to seize ol’ Jimbo, let
us welcome you to the last installment in our Bond series, 1985’s “View to a
Kill.” And of all the Bond films we’ve discussed, this is certainly one of
them. The (some might say long overdue)
last of the Roger Moore Bond films, this film has . . . a lot in it. We’ve got Christopher Walken in an
unfortunate blond wig as the villain (that is to say, Walken is the villain,
not the wig. Probably), the fabulous and
intimidating Grace Jones as the main henchperson, Patrick McNee as a sidekick,
and the stealthiest dirigible in film history.
Oh, and Tanya Roberts is the main “Bond Girl”, and if you’re asking
yourself “Who’s Tanya Roberts?”, well, good for you. Regardless of what we think of the quality of
this film (and that should become clear fairly quickly), there ain’t much
there, there so we close out the episode with a discussion suggestion from one
of our loyal and well-coifed listeners (a Mr. Cheeseboy, I believe). What is this discussion about? Well, pull up
a comfy and needlessly complicated death trap and listen while Mike and I
monologue extensively about our evil scheme.
Wait, there are two of us, so it can’t be a monologue. Di-monologue? Duo-monologue? There must be a
term for this . . .
Welcome to another episode of our study of the James “Shaken Not Stirred” Bond film genre in our series “Get ‘em, Jimmy!” Last week we had the absurd, so this week we have . . . ok, I can’t really say it’s sublime, but it’s a hell of a lot better than last week’s bolus of a movie. This week’s film is another in the Daniel Craig collection and it’s safe to say it’s a high point for him. Not to say all his Bond films were gems (I’m looking at YOU, “Spectre”!) but he has a pretty high average. In this outing, we’ve got Bond going up against a mysterious enemy, someone who has a particular grudge . . . not against Bond but against his boss, M, played to perfection by Dame Judy Dench. The gadgets aren’t ridiculous, we get a guest appearance by the Aston-Martin DB5 (who apparently was a REAL diva on set, but everyone had to put up with it because, y’know, it’s DB5), and we actually a glimpse into James Bond’s past, something few if any Bond films have done. Plus, there’s Albert Finney! Holy crap, that’s really Albert Finney! And Lord Voldemort takes over MI6! Ok, that sounded a lot less misleading in my head . . . just give us a listen and I’m sure we’ll make even less sense.
Y’know, we’ve been doing this podcast for a while and it occurred to Mike that, hard to believe as it might be, there could be folks out there who might be wondering who we are and why anyone would want to listen to what we say. After I stopped my hysterical laughter at such an absurd notion, I realized that, like the top of his head, Mike has a point. Who are we? Why are our opinions so vitally important? It’s possible that people might actually be interested in a brief summary of what makes us tick and what makes us go “Huygleflamdoof!” (so many, many things make us do that). So here, at the request of none, is a short, special episode where Mike and I discuss ourselves, our love of movies, and why independent film discussion might actually be something that matters. Enjoy!
And now this series, “Get ‘em, Jimmy!,” a study of the best and worst of Bond, has brought us here: the one Bond movie with a title that is almost impossible to say out loud without giggling. Ah, but just watch the movie! Yes, watch the movie and realize that huh, the title is actually not the silliest thing about the movie. Pretty impressive, when you think about it; just don’t think about it for too long; it can cause facial tics and acne. Here we have the penultimate Roger Moore Bond and . . . well, they’re really just running out of ideas here. The studio had long since run out of actual Ian Flemming novels to adapt, so this one is cobbled together out of a couple of unrelated short stories by Flemming and whatever navel lint they had lying around. But are there any good points to this movie? We’ve got Louis Jordan as the villain! Yes, the romantic lead from the classic musical “Gigi” is in this as the heavy! And boy, does he enjoy the heck out of saying the title character’s name. Because Octopussy is a person. No, really. Apparently, “Octopussy” is the childhood nickname her father gave her. Try not to think about that one too much. She’s played by Maud Adams, and in every scene with her and Roger Moore, watch and marvel at the Battle of the Cheekbones! And yes, that’s the most interesting part of their interaction. Their cheekbones are the best characters in the movie. Well, at least Maud Adams is actually close to Roger Moore’s age, unlike . . . well, we’ll be getting to that eventually. So, invite over an Indian tennis pro, grab your buzz saw yoyo, keep an eye out for very dated Barbara Woodhouse references, and give a listen!
No, this podcast has not been hijacked, you read that title correctly. And sadly no, this episode is not just an hour of Mike and I talking about how much we like the animal felis catus (although we do). Strap yourselves in tightly because we went and saw the new “Cats” movie. Yup, that one. “But Max,” you may cry “Why did you and Mike subject yourself to what some people are calling the worst movie of all time?” Well, I invite you to think about what you just said (or rather, what I imagine you just said). This is us, dig? If someone says “there is no way anyone can sit through this movie,” our response is usually “Challenge accepted!” I’m not proud of this. No one should be. But we kept hearing about how insanely terrible this adaptation of Dame Andrew Lloyd Weber’s long-running musical was and we felt we owed it to you, our beloved, well-groomed, beautifully dressed listeners. This movie has a remarkable cast: Ian McKellen, Judy Dench, Idris Elba . . . and the rest! So how bad could it be? Seriously, is it REALLY that bad? We found out, so you don’t have to. So honor our sacrifice and have a listen. And I leave you with the lyrics of that most famous Cats song: Meow meow meow meow, Meow meow meow meow, Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow. — “Meow Mix of the Night”