You find yourself in a dark forest at the border of the
fabled kingdom of “Max, Mike; Movies!” The supremely evil yet disturbingly
handsome necromancer SauruMax has cast the terrible ninth-level curse of “You
Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me” on the half-gnome, half-smurf Mikey the Pantsless,
forcing the poor creature to endure the torments of yet another terrible
movie. Will you embark on an epic quest
to help the tragic yet flatulent Mikey? Will you endure the agony with him? Will
you remember to loot the bodies? Will you cast Magic Missile at the darkness?
Yes, this week I subject my unfortunate colleague to a gorge-risingly dull
piece of tripe, based on the “Let’s Take Advantage of Parents’ Fears About
Dungeons and Dragons” novel by Rona Jaffe and starring a bunch of nobodies,
with one or two notable exceptions. One
of them is this kid named Tom Franks or something; seems like he might actually
make something of himself, once he scours the stench of this stinkfest off
himself. For a movie that’s supposed to
terrify parents, it seems more interested in slowly boring its audience to
death. Well, that’s one way to earn
experience points, I guess. It’s got all
the elements of D&D: clueless eighties parents, no real concept of how
role-playing games work, and hats. Lots of hats. Hearken unto us and see if this movie
captures the essence of D&D or if it just captures the essence of a TV
movie that should be avoided at all costs.
Roll for initiative!
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: RSS